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not sharing baby w/ grandma. a sympton of some sort of depression?

One of my really close friends had a baby about 3 months ago and is having a lot of family problems now that he's been born. Her mom and her husbands mom are having to beg her to let them see the baby. She says she just wants the baby around her like all the time and doesn't want a babysitter (grandmas) and doesn't want anytime alone without her son. He is her first which is understandable but it just seems like she is being selfish in a way and when she asks for my opinion i basically lie and say she is doing the right thing when i know if it was me i would let my mother babysit whenever. Everyone has accussed her of having PPD but she never went to a doctor about it. She smoked throughout the whole pregnancy and I was reading that that could be a cause of PPD. i don't know what to do or say and I sorta feel bad for the baby because he never gets to be away from her at all and he needs to socialize with more people. Help?

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NAMmommy

Asked by NAMmommy at 12:38 PM on Nov. 4, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Thats a tough one.. In a way it doesn't seem like THAT big of a deal since it's only been 3 months. Those months are so important for bonding with your baby. Does she even have them over to her house to see the baby? Or is it just that she doesn't want to see them AT ALL? If she won't even allow anyone over to visit then that does seem a little strange.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 12:41 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I agree w/previous poster, but....don't lie to your friend. Be honest w/her.
    cheekycherub

    Answer by cheekycherub at 12:43 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Yes, that baby needs to be around the grandmas, but maybe not necessarily ALONE with the grandmas. Talk her into letting them at least come visit while she's around... and letting them hold the baby & bond with him.
    MamaLisa1976

    Answer by MamaLisa1976 at 12:43 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • A 3 month old baby doesn't need to be away from his mother for socialization. If she's to the point she won't let the grandmas come over and visit the baby occasionally then that would seem strange, but if it's just that she doesn't want to be away from the baby yet then I don't think that's strange at all.  If other people are suspecting PPD then maybe she is also doing other things that don't seem quite right.  If the only thing going on is that she doesn't want to leave her baby with a sitter, then my guess is that the grandmas' feelings are hurt and they are overreacting.

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:53 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Well they always take the baby over to the grandparents house but she never wants to. Of course since all this has happened, alot of fights have started and thats another reason why shes being so distant. ive tried explaining that when all the baby fever wears off she gonna wish they were around more (shes moving to a different city after their lease is up) and i also said that when the baby grows up somebody is gonna slip up and he's going to find out she was keeping him away because of her own problems and that could make him hold a grudge to her. she'll have her friends over and we go hang out at the park, my son is 1, but when it comes to taking him to the family is a big ordeal and theres always a problem. before baby was born her family and her got along great and now its all falling apart and i a lot of it has to do with her not the grandparents. thats what made me think of some sort of depression?
    NAMmommy

    Comment by NAMmommy (original poster) at 12:59 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • well i get that she is a new mom and is still in the new mommy stage, I GET THAT. but what doesn't seem right is that her and her husband both live off unemplyment so are home all the time with the baby. shes maybe once let her mom watch him alone for like an hour and hasn't really left his side since. he has no health problems and is a very good baby so i don't understand why she worrys so much. she has 23 hours with him whats wrong with an hour or 2 at grandmas? i told her to set up a schedule, one grandma gets him for about 2-3 hours and the other gets the same treatment. like shes to the point where she needs to get out more and thats hard to explain over the internet. i wouldn't care if i didn't have to her hear b*tch about it all the time. she gets sort of snooty when i suggest taking him to grandmas. she has never had a sitter other than her mom once and then her husband any other time.
    NAMmommy

    Comment by NAMmommy (original poster) at 1:06 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I NEVER left my youngest with anyone but my husband until he was over two years old and that was only because I was working in the city where my family lives and my husband was at home. I see no issue with not wanting to leave the baby with the grandparents.
    aehanrahan

    Answer by aehanrahan at 1:25 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • YES, I was like that with my first son and I swear it was some kind of post partum.
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 1:32 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Mlmsm928: Did a doctor verify it or do you just think that it could've been?
    NAMmommy

    Comment by NAMmommy (original poster) at 1:50 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • NAMMommy, there may be something you don't know that's going on here, that makes this mom not trust the grandmothers. But be honest with her and understand that might mean you get cut off too.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:21 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

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