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Do you think this is too controlling

Do you think it is too controlling to not like your 16 year old to go places unsupervised with a boy that you know is pressuring her to have sex. Even though she says she wont and that it is her boyfriend. Should you even let her see him at all, and how do you do that.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:13 AM on Nov. 1, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • My friend has had the same situation just come up in the last year or two. She felt that it was best not to force them apart but to trust her daughter. In the long run the daughter did the right thing and is still close to mom. It was very hard on her to not say "I don't want you seeing him anymore" but with support from her friends and family she made it through.

    Answer by susan220 at 5:48 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • It depends on were they are going. I can see the mall or the movies but you should be the one to drop off and pick up. As a parent there is no such thing as too controlling. You know your dd more than anyone and if you dont feel right with the situation then go with your gut. :) If this guy is def pressuring her than you really need to talk to her about confidence and self control. Thats really the only way around it. When I was younger I was told to stop seeing a guy and I did anyway behind my parents back. If you think she is capable of this then she really needs to understand that this guy is in it for something other than her love and respect. GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:59 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • My parents let me date a guy they knew was pressuring me. However, I was not allowed to anywhere but to very public places with him alone, like the mall, the movies, school dances, etc. They dropped me off and picked me up. To prevent me from leaving and coming back when it was time to be picked up, they would vary when they would arrive to pick me up. They'd get there 5 minutes early one time, 30 the next, or never even leave the next. If I wanted to go to his house, they drove me there, and his parents had to be there and my parents would specifically ask if they were going to be there the whole time, and if they intended to allow us to be alone.
    It was embarassing at the time, but later I appreciated it, b/c I realized they were truly just trying to protect me.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:20 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • No, I don't think its to controlling. My hubby and I almost there where you are.. Our daughter is 15 almost 16 and will soon be dating. We live in a small town with nothing for young kids to do. I don't like it when she talks to him on the phone, or the computer cuz I think he is so controlling over her. But the more I say against him the more she will run to him. Does that make sense? He is disrespectful to me, which is why he isn't allowed over here anymore. My advice (and I'm taking it too) is I trust her. We have a open relationship. She knows she can come to me with anything and talk to me. I keep the lines of comucation open. In order for her to be trust worthy she has to be given trust.. Good luck..

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 10:26 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Since our daughters are minors, it is our responsibility to protect them from situations out of line with their best interest. My daughter knows My daughter knows I trust her and I also know sex is a temptation as you get older and especially when you have a boyfriend. Being alone with each other gives the opportunity to give in. Enough privacy can be had in a living room, a family room, a kitchen. Being alone togehter unsupervised isn't wise right now. In two years, it's out of our hands and they can do as they please. Of course they can have sex if they want to but that would be going around the hedge of protection you have provided. You will have done your part if it happens. I wouldn't let her get in a care with shaky breaks or give her unlimited access to money either. They need to be taught what we already know. Do what you know is right Mom and don't let anyone tell you differently.

    Answer by manna1qd at 10:29 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • The point of dating is to find the person you're going to marry. I assume that if this boy is 16 and is pressuring your daughter to have sex, he's probably not looking to marry her! Make sure that she knows that.

    Answer by oh__you at 12:20 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • If you no she is being pressured for sex you dont have to ask.NO she is not ever to be alone with any boy.She should always be in a group.AN then you arent sure she wont go off alone any way.But we can good luck

    Answer by fearful5 at 5:27 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • If you forbid her to see him, then it will only make her want to see him more. Honestly, she's probably already done it, or is seriously considering doing it.

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE educate her on birth control and condom usage....she's too young to have sex, but she's DEFINATELY too young to get pregnant or have to deal with an STD.

    Answer by MommaLucy at 2:25 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • When a boy truly respects a girl & deeply cares for her, he wants to protect her feelings & make her happy & won't pressure her. His pressuring her is a sign he doesn't love her. Ask her if she wants to have sex with a boy who doesn't love her? If having sex with a 16 yr old is illegal in your state, talk to the boy & tell him he could go to jail if you decide to press charges, should his pressuring succeed. This will let him know that your daughter & you are close enough to talk about him, & also give him something to think about. It's easier for your daughter if the boy stops pressuring her. Your daughter sounds like a great girl. I hope she allows herself to meet someone who has genuine feelings of caring & concern for her.


    Answer by chris2998 at 11:58 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

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