Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you ever feel like you just dont know who you are anymore, what you want or where you want to be? How do you deal with these thoughts and feelings? How can I get away from these thought s & feelings? Please help!

Im not sure who I am any more. I know im a mom, wife, sister, blah blah blah. But I just am not sure if I am HAPPY in my current life choices of hubby career, kids etc. I feel so Blah and just want to sit around and do nothing. Im questioning every aspect of my life. Ny job - is it the right one? My husband - do I love him? My family - What is going on with them. . . and the list goes on and on. I tried explaining this to my husband and he basically told me that I could quit my job and go work out of the house. . . and that if I had issues with the marriage it was my imagination. So how can I deal with my thoughts and feelings and still go on with life?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Nov. 1, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I feel the same way at times. I just need to stop and appreciate what I have and know it can be worse. Im a SAHM and it gets really hard especially when it comes to money. I wanna work but it would be pointless b/c id be waisting my check on day care. I keep telling myself that when my dd goes to school Ill go back to school. Without a degree its almost impossible to find a good paying job that would make it worth it to work. Before my daughter was born I worked and payed all of my bills and then some. Now Im relying on her father and it feels like shit. I feel like a diff person and that I almost lost who i am. But I just take it one day at a time and look forward to what I can make happen when I am able. Hang in there. I know how you feel. :)

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:42 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • What you are feeling is normal. Everyone at a certain point feels the need to "evaluate" their life. But if this feeling doesnt just come and go than maybe you should talk to a doctor. It could be depression. Thats what I have and I am on meds that really help. I am the same person and have the same feelings but it helps take the edge off and put things into perspective

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:49 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Join the club. I am starting to think that its normal especially if you have little ones. I have a 3 year old and a 19 month old. And I feel like that all the time. I talked to my friend, and she said oh just get out of the house a few hours a day. Yeah like that is possible. I can totally see what my husband would say if I said by honey, I am leaving you have the kids for a few hours a day. I would probably come home to starving children screaming. I even tried therapy, that didn't help. I don't know. I think as mothers we do so much and are taking care of everybody else that we never stop to think about ourselves. I feel like I am a maid in my house. Yeah my husband will help with the dishes once in a while or something other, but its still not the same.

    Answer by Reggie2 at 8:06 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • At 50 I'm able to look back over my past 30 years and know that I had gone through all these feelings multiple times. It's kind of like "growth spurts". Except its the period of time right before the growth...or change. Men have it in a different way, and his words to you are typical of a have a problem, he has a solution. That's male. Nothing wrong with it, but that's how they're wired. We go through so many changes in our lives, as you've mentioned, the schooling, the parenting, the marriage, the career, etc. We'd be deadbeats if we didn't have something inside us keeping check, letting us know to review our life. If you're confused about a change, then don't change it yet. Until you get that definite need for change, leave it be.You will know the proper timing for the change...but at the same time, don't be afraid to explore.

    Answer by EireLass at 8:12 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I think we all go through this at one point.I have too,am right now,Im a SAHM and I love my SO and my kids,but sometimes I feel like I can be doing more,maybe I could further my education,I think its a rut we all get in,like the one mom said we just need to re evaluate ourselves and see what is lacking,maybe take classes in something or work partime do volunteer work,

    Answer by geenabelle at 9:41 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Well, I been feeling like that since I had my first kid. What Steph319 said describe me too. Even with the meds. I still feel like this. And I am been dreaming in find me the right job that I can enjoy doing and be able to be independent again and get back my identity. About feeling like doing nothing in the house, I am glad , I am not the only one. I was putting me down, telling my self that I am  a very bad stay in home wife,mom,and the worst maid in the word! I hate the house cleaning job. Never gets done and nobody show appreciation, just complain when isn't done. I pray to God, show me the right way to go. because I can't live out my identity any more. Life is to short to go thourgh like this, is like we are waisting or life time, and no chance to get back.


    Answer by Zenn at 10:44 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I don't know how old you are or what your situation is, but I feel that way many times-- I am always looking for something else to do, but I can't find the right thing for me. I am a SAHW now, and bored, bored, bored. I was very happy when I worked, but I can't anymore, because of a disability. I SO HATE HOUSEWORK, AND LAUNDRY. I will fake being sick, so I don't have to do it, until I am in the mood. Are we abnormal--no clue. You are right, life is to short to continue this way. So what is answer????????? ANYONE HAVE AN ASWER?

    Answer by joanne580 at 11:14 AM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I used to feel that way up until 3 months ago then I started doing things to make ME happy not EVERYONE else. I do not neglect my role as a wife and as a mother yet I do take time out for myself and I dont ask anyone, I just tell my husband that I am going to hang with my friends. I know he takes good care of our 2 yr old when I am not around so I dont worry and I have some ME time. My life has been so much better and also we always think someone has it better when really God gave us exactly what we needed and if we dont have then we dont need it! Hope this helped someone out because it has done wonders for my life. Also I found that cooking, which I suck at, is stress relieving for me!

    Answer by aiden1337 at 12:15 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I feel the same way all the time.
    The only thing is I know I Love my husband and kids but I hate being a wife and mother. I go day to day doing what I need to do for them but it's like there is nothing in it for me. I truly love them I just wish I had had more time for me before getting married and having kids. I know that is selfish but it's me. It's who I am and I wish I had known it sooner. I need to do more for me but we just don't have the Money and I don't have the time...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I am with you I feel the same way, I get depressed when I think about my life choices I have been with my man for 11 years and I am only 28 we had our first kid after 4 years together.
    I too question everything and I am not sure I am even happy!

    I have chosen to keep moving forward dispite the fact that I just do not want my life as it is anymore! I have never not belogned to somone first my parents then a man..

    I think we could have a lot to talk about message me anytime!

    Answer by Joanne27 at 1:24 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.