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3 Bumps

I need advice...I'm losing my mind

Long story short, my husband is a recovering addict who relapsed and OD'd last week. He is currently in short term rehab and is going into a halfway house when done. He is not coming home for at least 6 months. We have 3 kids under 3 and the older two are testing my patience. They had a tough time listening to me before and now with daddy gone, they are worse. Every time one of them gets in trouble, they scream for daddy, which makes everything even harder. My problem comes in because I am losing my patience with them and feel like I'm out of control. We spank, but I was getting to the point where I was not doing it hardly at all...now I am spanking every time I turn around. This situation is stressful as hell on all of us. I have a little help from my family, but not enough emotional support. No one knows because none of them have been through it. I don't even know what I am asking really.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:15 PM on Nov. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • You are asking for help and support and you are going to have to find someone to be there for you. This is a stressful time for you and if you feel you are out of control then someone needs to step in. I'm sorry you are going through this. 3 children under 3 years has got to be very hard, but you have to hold it together for them. Kids will always test your patience. Please find help from someone- a local women/children center will offer great advice and support. Please go right away. Give them a call. If you need the help don't be afraid to ask any and everyone for it.
    Sharell8710

    Answer by Sharell8710 at 6:19 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • You have all the emotions and frustrations and, maybe even anger, over what is going on with your husband and now you have to care for all your little ones by yourself to top it off!
    It's going to be very easy to lose your temper with them. Try everything you have learned, like counting to 10, locking yourself in the bathroom to breathe for a few minutes, etc. Don't take out your emotions on them. Ask family to come over and help as frequently as they can.
    Are there any Nar-Anon meetings in your area? You need the support of other people who are in your exact situation.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 6:20 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I am sorry to hear that. I think you just needed to vet, let it all out. I hope things get better as well as you husband of course. I can only imagine what you have to go thrue right now and I know its not easy.
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 6:21 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I don't really know what to say except that I've been there, and I understand what you are going through. Hang in there. I will pray for you and your family. (((((GL)))))
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • as a military wife I completely understand your frustration with not having help and support with the kids. The best thing for you to do for them is to make a strict daily schedule to follow. Be consistent with any punishments that you hand out. Keep them as busy as you can, do playgroups, take them to the library for story time...ect. Enlist friends and family members to give you a break...even if it is just to watch the kids while you run to the grocery store. The structure of a schedule will help more than you could ever imagine...I had no idea that putting my children to bed at the same time every night would turn their attitude around so much! Talk to the people that you are closest with and rely on for support, explain to them how you are feeling and that you do not expect them to step into your husbands spot but you would appreciate it if they could help out.
    foxracing43701

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 6:25 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am not in your same exact situation, but there are hotlines that you can call, programs that offer support and help. When my two year old get on my last nerve I put her in bed and step outside for a while to catch my breahe. That calms me down sometimes
    2bbabies

    Answer by 2bbabies at 6:35 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • maybe try new discipline approaches? toys get taken away, special time gets taken away, no baths- only showers, no desert, etc. they are testing you and the more you are over the edge, the more they will push. kinda like a cycle. sucks big time! if you show them that you arent gonna get riled up, then eventually they'll stop. DS knows that if he throws something- it automatically gets taken away. i dont even have to speak with him about it anymore- he just knows! he also doesnt get any warnings about the majority of the things-- things that we've been through already in the past (he just turned 5 though).
    good luck!
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 7:17 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • that is a tough situation. can you get counseling?
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 1:24 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

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