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Here is how I feel about the responses of my last question.......

While I might be hormonal about the situation I do not feel I am wrong to be hurt that my brother doesn't find it important enough to drop by the hospital right across the street from him to celebrate our having our child. I do not think it is too much to ask of FAMILY to be involved in celebrating a new FAMILY member. My motto is: You get what you give! So if inconveniences him to be there for me then I wont visit him when he has a baby. I guess I'm different from some of the ladies who replied because I WOULD go out of my way to support and be there for my family on their special day. I wont demand that he visits us...it's up to him but I cannot help that it hurts because I would be there for him in a heartbeat.

 
worriedmommy600

Asked by worriedmommy600 at 6:36 PM on Nov. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 23 (16,335 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I didn't read the other response, but I would also be hurt if my brother who was so local didn't visit, but at the same time, two wrong's don't make a right and I wouldn't punish his wife and new child by not visiting. That's just mean and vindictive. Be better than him, not the same.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 6:41 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I saw your first question (didn't respond), but I tend to agree with you. If he lives right across the street, you're giving him 6 months' notice, and he doesn't even have a job to worry about, he really doesn't have an excuse. I'd be mad as hell too.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 6:40 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Girl that is the first issue... STOP going out of your way to help them. From your post, I think that they have shown you they are not going to go out of their way for you, so why continue? You are only causing yourself pain and suffering for hoping, or even expecting them to. Trust me when I say this, it doesn't matter in the long run anyway. I tried to be like that too, but in the end, I got stuck with everyone's kids when no one else was there to help. I got taken advantage of, used, chewed up and spit out. Now, I live hours away from all my family and do you know what... I have been here 13 years, only my parents have gone out of their way to visit. Not any other family member. So, I quit going there. I started ONLY focusing on my own immediate family, my children. We have our own Christmas and celebrations. It's terrific. Far less stress than I ever had in my entire life.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 6:50 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Wow, I am so sorry you feel like that you are not getting supported from your family or the women on here. I can really feel your pain. I too have stopped going the extra mile for my family. It just doesn't seem worth it to be hurt. For example my kids graduated before my brothers and my daughter got married long before any of his but he never did acknowlege any of our milestones so when it came time I didn't acknowlege any of his. Wrong maybe but why should I give when he isn't I really feel for you
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:41 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Thank you tootoobusy...I know I couldn't help but be there for him when he has a baby...I'm just very hurt that he wouldn't do the same. I guess I'm just sick of going out of my way for my family when they need help being moved, or need help getting to the hospital because they are having breathing problems, or giving them money when they need it but ALL that I ask is for them to give me their time...be there for me on my special day...and I can't even get that. It hurts.
    worriedmommy600

    Comment by worriedmommy600 (original poster) at 6:42 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • i didn't get from your last question you asking for him to visit the baby but got that you wanted him there when you have the baby. i did respond and i like i said i thought it a strange request to be there while your having the baby be it in the room or hallway. labors can take a long time and i would rather be home then waiting in the hallway. i think most women who responded took the question the same way from their answers. this question sounds different about how he should visit. sure he should visit but thats not what your last question said.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 6:47 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I was kinda in your situation. My grandma was supposed to visit me when I had my son, I waited for her all day, I really needed company as I was there 5 days. My DH's family took a train 2 hrs away to come visit me. It really hurt me that she wasn't there for me. Do you know why she did that to me? I will tell you, bc when I was a teen I didn't come visit her in the hospital when she had a stroke. We haven't talked in almost 4yrs now and she has never spent anytime with my son. At my father's wedding a few yrs back she completely ignored him like he wasn't even there. I am deeply hurt and for what?? Love is not supposed to be conditional.
    momofone221

    Answer by momofone221 at 6:53 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • So...I asked my youngest brother if he'd come to the hospital when we have the baby and he said that he wasn't sure if he'd be able to make it. The baby is due in May, it's a planned c-section. Is it unreasonable for me to be upset that he might not come when he lives RIGHT NEXT TO HOSPITAL!? Justin's mom is coming up from FLORIDA (we live in Ohio) for the birth and my own brother wont even WALK to the hospital. My family sucks, and I'm just going to assume he isn't coming so that I'm not dissapointed on our special day.

    ^^^^Here is the question that I posted. I'm having a c-section as I stated and no one can be at the birth but my fiance (Justin) so all that I invite will only be visitors and my visitors will ONLY be close family and friends because I don't want to be bombarded by visitors, so the people I do invite are special to me.
    worriedmommy600

    Comment by worriedmommy600 (original poster) at 6:54 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I hope that when the time comes you are there for him. That will be the best way to show him how important it is.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:40 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

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