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2 Bumps

Can marriage really be happy?

Are people really happy in their marriage or do they just fake it and keep a positive spin? I pretend like things are okay but they are not at all. My marriage is very painful. I feel torn up and confused. My feelings don't really matter at all in my marriage. In fact they are an annoyance to be avoided by my DH. My heart hurts all the time. I wish it'd grow numb so I didn't have to feel so much pain anymore. Yet I throw on a smile and pretend for family, my kids, friends, and coworkers that I am okay when deep inside, I am drowning and dying. So do you think people are really happy or is it all a mask? How long can I keep the mask on before I fall completely apart?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Nov. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • wow honey big hugs, good luck
    meagan678

    Answer by meagan678 at 11:31 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Time to tear that mask off.......the mask is useless actually. Your kids will sense your inner turmoil.
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 11:32 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • If I depended on my dh to make me happy, then no, my marriage would not be all that happy at times. I've learned to be happy and content despite my circumstances.
    JeanetteRene

    Answer by JeanetteRene at 11:33 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • My marriage is happy. I am also happy on my own. I think you and your dh should seek counseling. Good luck!
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 11:35 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • marriage is work, and just like with any job it is going to have its ups and downs.
    That being said you need to take off the mask and tell DH how you feel even if you think it is an annoyance.
    I remember feeling exactly like you are when i first got married, I thought i was just annoying him when i would talk about how i felt. Come to find out he was very concerned about me he just didn't know what he could/should do to help me and that is in fact what was "annoying" him.
    I would sit down with you DH and really talk to him. Maybe he is just unsure of how to help.
    MomOfDagJag

    Answer by MomOfDagJag at 11:40 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • If you are unhappy most of the time then there is something wrong. If you are just going through a bad time right now then every marriage goes through this at one time or another for various reasons and as always it will get better. When you look at that couple who has been together for 50 years you know it wasn't all peaches and cream cause it takes a lot to keep a marriage going but if you love each other it will get better. Take care sweetie and I wish the best for you and your family.
    ChicaThis

    Answer by ChicaThis at 11:41 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I've found that even some of the seemingly "perfect" marriages go through really tough times. You can't change other people, and usually when you try to, it just gets worse. You can only change yourself and your actions and perceptions. Do you have a close friend that you could be totally open with? Sometimes it just helps if someone will hear you out, and can understand what you are going through.
    JeanetteRene

    Answer by JeanetteRene at 11:44 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • what is happiness really but a moment in time when you were contented. You can not be happy all of the time nor can one be unhappy all of the time. To say you are happy 100% of the time would be a lie and then so would the opposite being 100% of the time unhappy. In my marriage, it would be a lie to say I am happy, but I am not unhappy. Marriage is not about happy. It is about the unity between two people, the love they share. That goes deeper than being happy. I my Husband became my best friend. Not because I married him, but because he is the one I love most of all (aside from our DD obviously), he is the one I go to when things are bad. If we argue or fight it is he whom I want to talk to about it as "you" would your best friend. Are you "Happy"?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • I don't think a marriage can be happy 100% of the time. I haven't been married long about 1.5yrs...but I feel very happy in my marriage. We have our arguments and go to bed mad, but I'd say that yes, we are very happy.

    I'm so sorry for the way you are feeling about your marriage. That is certainly not how you should be feeling. I assumed that you've tried calling to him about this, and if he's really not taking your feelings into consideration, then, as hard as it may be, it may be time to leave. If you've tried talking to him and nothing is being resolved and you continue to feel this way, you're children are going to figure it out and it'll only make things worse on them, as well as yourself. If you haven't talked to him about it, then you certainly need to.

    Good Luck and I hope things get better!
    dlandrum

    Answer by dlandrum at 11:53 PM on Nov. 4, 2010

  • Marriage can be very happy, but only when both people are equally committed to making it that way. It doesn't sound like your husband want to put that required effort in. Have you tried marriage counseling? If you have tried talking to him, and if you have already been to a therapist (together) then it may be time to really think about what is best for you and your children. Good luck to you and if you don't mind, I will be saying prayers for your situation.

    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 12:36 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

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