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How do you help a abused woman that doesnt listen to your advice..especially when she has kids. so confused on what to do!!

I have a cousin that is in a abusive relationship, well she doesnt think its abusive but he has hit her a few times and cheats all over her. Now the problem is...she says she stays because without him she cant pay her bills. So is this really why she is staying? my mind its not because I have also been in a abusive relationship but I left after a couple of years for my kids, and I refused to let them be raised around that. I know that this is the hardest thing she could ever go throught, I know...but why isnt she thinking about her child? What should I do? She doesnt like it when I start to say you need to leave him,etc. So I am just here for her. We stopped talking for a while because she was mad that I am trying to get her out of this. I offer to help her in any way I can, but she is still with him. Is so frustrating. What about her child? Why wont she do it for her?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Nov. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • You can only do so much. I often wish there was a "mean pill" you could slip into some women's food to give them the spine they need to quit taking crap from the men in their lives. But there's no such thing, and women will keep going back again and again because they don't know they're worth more. The best you can do is be supportive and keep building her up and encouraging her and letting her know she's valuable. maybe one day it will pay off. SO sorry!

    Answer by Adelicious at 2:09 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • In the end there is nothing that you can do. She has to choose to leave that situation on her own and will not until she is ready. It is sad that she is allowing her kids to be there and see that as being okay. If you think there is reason then you can call CPS but I would only do that if it is really necessary.

    Answer by Melbornj at 2:10 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • There's nothing you can do if she doesn't want to help herself, it's sad she doesn't want to do it for her child, but I've been where she's at , you just have to let her decide on her own when she's ready, just keep her in your prays and never let her feel like she's alone, that your always gonna be there.

    Answer by Mrs.Stancil at 2:28 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • the other ladies are right, theres not much you can do. She has to be the one to ask for help. It soundslike shes in denial of what happening, if she doesn't see it its not happening. I was like hat too for awhile and it to the screaming of my 3 year old to wake me up, luckily no one was hurt. I hope she sees the light before something bad happens. JUst try to be understanding and if and when she does want help be ther for her cause she will need all the help and support she can get during that time. Good luck !

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 2:58 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • You can't do anything for her. She has to make her own decisions. You can call CPS for the child's sake. Maybe the fear of losing her child will help her to leave.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 8:59 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • If she isn't ready to make a change, you cannot help her. Nobody can. She has to reach the point in her life and mind when she decides for herself that she is ready to make changes. Then you can help her. Until then, just remain supportive without nagging. Let her know that when she's ready, you'll be there. (but don't tell her every time you see her or she'll start to tune you out).

    If her children are in danger then someone needs to step in and do the right thing by telling authorities. If you've talked to her about the emotional damage being done to the kids and she does nothing then she needs someone to ensure the kids will be safe and healthy, and that may be child protective services.

    Answer by DivaDynamite at 10:36 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

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