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What he doesn't know...

Maybe I am terrible...but I have been faithful to him for 15 years. But what he doesn't know is that as he is being cruel to me and telling me I am dense and stupid. As he is pissed at me randomly and I ask why and he just says I should "know" when I do not. As he lays beside me in bed telling me to shut the hell up and stay away from him for the 100th time this year. I lay beside him feeling so lonely and wishing I could reach for him to give him love (but I can't, he gets pissed if I try)...I dream of laying beside another man whom may be imperfect and may get mad at me too but whom talks to me and is open to me. I dream of what that might feel like to be embraced like that as I lay next to my cold DH. I must be terrible for doing it, right? Somehow it gets me by though. To dream about having that.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:51 AM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • couples therapy...quick
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:52 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • You guys need counseling, not sure what went wrong but a marriage or relationship should not make you feel that way. You need to tell him how you feel and how serious this is. If you guys don't get help, one of you is going to end up in the arms of someone else. Good luck.
    momofone221

    Answer by momofone221 at 7:56 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Why do you stay his so mean to you and you deserve better.
    mellibear

    Answer by mellibear at 8:01 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • You need to get out I agree with the rest. But maybe you have never been with anyone elsend that makes it even harder to do. You are in some desperate need of love and affection and soon you will move on I hope because it will be for the better. I have put up with the same sort of thing before but you have to be careful of the steps that you take. I will pray for you because I think you need that now more than anything. But at this point when opportunity knocks get out. And it wouldnt hurt to think about anything in my opinion i truly think hes cheating on you that's why hes treating you this way and if it has been for a lon period of time then its been going on for a long period of time with him. Be careful and get away. Good Luck!
    apiegurl

    Answer by apiegurl at 8:44 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • WOW.. how have you managed to stay even this long? That is absolutely horrible! Unless your doing something to contribute that your not telling us, then this is just plain emotional abuse. He needs to change his ways QUICK or get the hell out. Don't settle girl! You could spend years waiting around for things to change and dreaming of this stranger who can give you what you want, OR you could get out now while you can and find that person. I wish you the best of luck.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:03 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Have you talked to him? Told him how you are feeling? Or are you afraid of the reaction he may have? this is a very touchy subject to approach with your DH but one that will either make or break y'all. As sad as you are now, it will be a lot worse in 15more years when you are laying in bed with someone you haven't spoken to in days. Honey I know it is scary to approach the subject and risk him saying he isn't happy and wants out, but it is worse to not even give him a chance to explain his side. He may be dealing with something totally unrelated to you. But to dream of being w/ another person is a huge warning. Your heart is already leaving..and that is not good. If you want this to work.. start doing everything you can to communicate with him before it really is too late. Good luck and I will be praying for you!

    Tzutchka

    Answer by Tzutchka at 11:00 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • couples therapy or leave ....
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 3:19 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I agree about the counceling. My husband treated me the same way a few years back. I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong, but the more I tried to do better, the more he put me down. So one night, after screaming at me for trying to set boundaries, he went out to drink...and I took our children and left. I spent 6 weeks with my parents in another state. At first, he was furious..but when I didn't give in, he cried and begged. I stuck to my guns and told him that he had been abusive and needed help before I would come back. He started seeing a councelor, and then I did come back to him (because I never wanted divorce to begin with) and we went to counceling together.
    This road was tough, and scary..but better than living with the abuse. We are celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary tomorrow. No relationship is unsalvagable.
    brandyj

    Answer by brandyj at 4:24 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

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