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2 Bumps

If you have stepchildren, do you get drama from their mom?

I have 3 stepchildren (2 from an ex wife and 1 from an ex gf). The ex wife and I get along just fine, have no problems. The ex gf, for some reason, HATES me! Her and my hubby broke up 6 years ago and he's been with others before me, but for some reason she's just the meanest wench ever to me. I try not to pay mind to it - as long as I treat their daughter the right way, that's all that matters right? Maybe I'm the mean one because I don't spoil the daughter like she does (she gives her everything she wants, and she's 9). But just seeing if others are in the same boat as me.

Another aggravating story is she sent her daughter to our house 2 weeks ago with bronchitis and didn't tell us until after the weekend (we just thought she had a cold). now MY son got bronchitis from all this! I almost wanna send her the hefty bill for being so careless.

Answer Question

Asked by SweetPieMama24 at 9:31 AM on Nov. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,066 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • No my StepSon's bio-mom wants nothing to do with him or my DH. Suits me. She's a crackhead and probably still in jail.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 9:40 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Maybe she is a little jealous and immature. Dealing with another woman helping raise your child when you have no choice in the matter is a little irritating. At the same time it is just as hard raising a daughter from another woman...isn't it? If you are better at it in some ways too it can make that jagged pill even more sharp going down for her real Mom. It can become competitive. Step parenting is so hard!! Maybe you girls can find a way to create some balance. I would do my best not to cross her Mom line but I would question why if she knew she had bronchitis why she let her come over if it could get everyone else sick.....that is unless the daughter wanted to be nurtured by Dad. I would let Dad do most of the parenting...that's just me if I could do it all over again.

    Answer by Momforhealth at 9:58 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Suprisingly little. She is now 15, and for the most part we all have been very adult about the situation. I met her dad when she was barely 6.

    Answer by salexander at 10:09 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • The older two (17 and 19) have been drama-free since day one (about 2 years ago we started dating).

    I'm thinking that the youngest's mother is just jealous of the fact that he moved on, started a family with me (we have a 9 month old and another on the way), she sees that I'm responsible (I owned my own house at 23 years old, have a great paying job, new car, etc) - she's 33 still living with her parents. I don't do anything wrong to the daughter other then set my own house rules and she has to abide by them (who doesn't have house rules - well, except her...).

    Comment by SweetPieMama24 (original poster) at 10:15 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • My dh and his ex were divorced BEFORE I met him. She cheated on him and he left her. We met and we bought our first house together 6 months later. SD was very spoiled. Her mom's belief is that daughter should have EVERYTHING she wants. If she is unhappy then it is WRONG. So.....when I came into the picture SD was eating ice cream for breakfast with 7up, had NO rules, threw huge fits if she was told no and when I say fits I mean she would hit, kick and spit in your face if you didn't give her what she wanted. I held my ground and everyone in my family, his family and the school told me how much of an improvement there was. didn't like it, so she would complain and cry to her mom and that was when the drama and hatred started. And has never ended. My dd's SM and I get along they are invited to get togethers etc and everyone is fine. I think the difference is I backed up their rules and didn't say that they were wrong.

    Answer by sue118 at 10:18 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • sweetpiemama, I think you hit it right on the head for my situation too.

    Answer by sue118 at 10:23 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • sue118 - we have the SAME EXACT story! HOLY CRAP!!
    The 9 year old has NO rules at her house cuz she's the only child there (her mom still lives with her parents at 33 years old, and her 2 brothers live there as well at 28 and 35). So they give my stepdaughter anything she wants - she got a cell phone for her 9th birthday (and lost it), got a PSP last christmas (and lost it), got a nintendo DS for valentines day (yup lost it), and now she just got an iPod nano. She eats nothing but junk food and candy and refuses to eat a meal. I used to let it slide but I got tired of wasting my hard earned money and food by throwing it out - so I told my hubby no more snacks for her I dont care what it is, she HAS to eat her meal. He's starting to give her a little more rules and be more strict with her and it's making her visits a lot more pleasant (she NEEDS rules she's a kid!!).

    Comment by SweetPieMama24 (original poster) at 10:24 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • contd - She also tried throwing me out of my bed quite a few times because she sleeps in the bed with her mom at her house. And at first I didnt wanna have her be scared in a new house, but after awhile I had enough and we have her sleep on an inflatable mattress on the floor in my son's room (he's only 9 months old). I got tired of her trying to run my household and there are rules that every house has. Anytime I would say or do something that wasn't what SHE liked, she ran back and told her mom that I was bullying her or yelling at her all weekend. Sigh.....

    Comment by SweetPieMama24 (original poster) at 10:25 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • the meal thing was the same for us, sd and bm actually started telling people we would "starve" her. OMG!!

    They do need rules, being a sm is hard, but you are right, keep up what you are doing and just ignore the ex. (not easy, I know)

    Answer by sue118 at 10:46 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I am lucky, well kind of in a way, I dont have to deal with my SS mother she doesnt want anything to do with him. So to him I am mommy.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 2:33 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

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