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anger and grudges

i am a very angry and judgemental person. when i get angry i hold a grudge. i try to change, and i can let go for a few, but i just can't get the anger out of me. right now, i own a home. i live in one apartment, dh's friends live in another and his brother and his gf and her kids in another. i honestly can't stand these people. and i have good reasons, too many to list, but they have given me reasons to be annoyed and dislike them. anyway, i still hold it inside. dh is good, he shrugs, oh well and moves on. i try but just can't do it. HELP! how can i be more relaxed and forgiving (even if people don't ask for forgiveness).

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Asked by sleepymamaof3 at 10:56 AM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Health

Level 7 (207 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I know it can be hard to let go of grudges, put everything behind you and move on. But for your own sake it is good to try and let it all go. It is not good to keep it bottled up inside, carrying it on and letting it fester. Have you thought about doing a journal? I have found writing to be very therapeutic. If you write it all down and get it all out you will be free of that burden and able to put it past you, let go and move on. I hope you can let go of some of the grudges-- good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 11:02 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • oh, I wish I could really help. I have a hard time with forgive and forget. I am just waiting for those people to screw me again or piss me off again. I wish I could forgive. I know it is the right thing to do. Although, everytime I do the right thing and forgive, it comes back to bite me in the butt. I try to forgive IL's and family. Then they screw me again.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 11:04 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • In anger management they teach self accountability. It's not saying you are wrong, it just makes you aware of what you can and can't control which goes hand in hand with anger management. It teaches you to search for the feelings behind the anger and address our underlying issues and learn how to be self honoring. Sometimes learning what your boundaries are and making it your responsibility to not let other cross them is the best remedy.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:08 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Be a role model for your child in this situation. Accept that they've done some terrible things to you and totally distance yourself from them without a big stink. Devote no more time to their past behaviors, instead try to focus your thoughts and energy on something else whenever you start to think of them. BUT DON"T FORGET their behavior or allow them to repeat it. Protect yourself and your family. All contact with them can be through your husband, as they are his friends and family...

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 11:15 AM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Also, in addition to the journal thing... try saying out loud every time it pops into your head what that person has done, "I forgive so&so for doing this to me." every time. Eventually if u hear yourself say it enough, u will believe it. Pray about it too, pray or wish good things on them- u put yourself in a different mindframe when u do that. Do something nice for them.... I know that sounds crazy, but it helps... maybe not at first, but eventually it will. Talk to them about it... they may not even know they hurt u and pissed u off. The thing is, it's like a cancer... inside of u. Science has shown that when u are angry and unforgiving, your blood pressure spikes, immunity drops, etc. All not good stuff. They did what they did and forgot about it most likely, but u are holding onto it. Unforgiveness is like wishing that person would be poisoned and drinking the brew yourself. I know. I came from an abusive home growing up.

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 6:29 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

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