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marriage problems.. please, advice someone!

I am really unsure of what to do. I love my husband to death, but can't understand what keeps us from really being happy. He seems to get mad over every small thing. somethings that he shouldnt even get mad about in the first place. he works hard, and he takes care of all the finances, but its the way he has wanted it. he wants things to be his way, but then when i dont speak up about my oppinion, he gets mad. OR when i do speak up, he gets mad... i dont get it.. nothing is making him happy. we have been married for 4 yrs and have 3 children. i dont want to divorce him, i just need to know what we can do to make this work. he says he loves me. he says he has never cheated, but then i dont see what makes him so nasty torwards me, and makes me feel like i am so inconvenent to him on so many occasions. i just really dont know what to do..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Nov. 1, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I am going through the same thing with my husband. He gets upset over the littlest thing and always have to have things done his way. I threw his trash away once (food wrapper) and he got so upset over it....I just don't understand. When I listen to him he gets upset, and when I don't listen to him, he also gets upset. There is no pleasing him. And there's a lot of double standards with him. Ultimately, I stopped caring whether I pissed him off or not and just do what makes me and my daughter happy. I try to not include him in things anymore because he would take the joy out of everything such as eating a nice dinner or watching a movie. My advice is to be independent in your activities and just concentrate on making yourself happy. There is no way to make another person happy and if you go on trying you probably will never meet their standards. Be a supportive wife but don't be someone's door mat.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • there's always the chance of the outside factor. When you're the one at home caring for the kids I know it's hard to see outside of that box....but you need to talk to him. There's a good shot that something outside of the home, (maybe a boss or coworker or simply his job) upsets him daily and is making him miserable... try to reach him and let him know you're there....good luck. hope this helps!
    Adeline1210

    Answer by Adeline1210 at 12:28 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Something to consider too is this (this is what my bf had to sit down and explain to me)

    Do you let him relax after he gets off of work? I know he has been gone all day and you miss him and want to talk to him and all of that, but do you bombard him right when he walks in the door? I guess I used to do it, and never realized it, but now I let my bf have a half hour - an hour by himself to change out of his work clothes, take a shower if he wants, etc. and kinda just unwind from work before I even think of bringing up household things.

    Just waiting that little bit of time helped us a lot. Hope that helps!
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 12:37 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I AM THE POSTER***

    when he comes home, he is right on the couch, jumping down my throat and our kids. I do give him his space, and i dont ask him to do a thing. i have gave up on asking him to do a single thing around the house, EXCEPT be nice to me, and the kids. is that too much to ask?
    he loves his job. its his life. sometimes i think he loves it more then me. he says he has too much responsiblities, BILLS, WORK, ETC but he is the one who wanted it that way.. he pushed me out of that role, now he cant handle it... ugh
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • my husband and i have been married for six years and we have three kids with one on the way. last year i told him i wanted a divorce because he wasn't treating me nice. the way i approached it was simple. with out emotion, without judgement, when he was rested and fed. i told him i was tired of being treated like i'm nothing and that i am expected to cook,  clean and care for our kids without upset. he decided he wanted me to stay at home with our kids and him work. so he had no right to make me feel bad for that. i told him that i felt like a single mom even though i was married. he would either step up or get out. after realizing i was serious he started talking.  and we talked all night. we worked it all out and now we are happy, and adding to our family. even if you don't mean that your leaving, sometimes just saying it is enough to get them to listen up and start working together.
    kirbysgirl

    Answer by kirbysgirl at 1:05 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

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