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Clingy/needy/desperate friends, how do you say no without hurting them?

This friend is sweet, but i do not click with her like i do my closest friends. She has 2 year old and is desperate to go out & have some "girl time" at the bars. She begs me to hang every Sat. I have hung out with her a quite a few times over the years, but im not interested in makinig it a regular thing like she is. She guilts me into hanging out with her, whether it be her cat died, she had a stressful week, or she just need girl time. DD goes to her dads Fri & Sat, these are the only 2 days i have alone with DH. When i told her that she said "but you're with him every day" which is true. She makes me feel so bad if i cancel on her & i have a few times, i have even lied to her to get out of going to the bars with her. She is DESPERATE for my friendship, calls me her best friend...but i don't feel the same way. I feel obligated to hang with her when i don't want to. Am i an ass? How to i say no without hurting her feelings"

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samurai_chica

Asked by samurai_chica at 1:25 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 35 (74,081 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • ?
    samurai_chica

    Comment by samurai_chica (original poster) at 1:26 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • i have a friend who was similar. Unfortunately, I just kept saying no until she stopped asking. I do feel bad about that.

    Can you set up a regular date with her, once a month or once every other month, YOUR schedule...and stick to it, so she recognizes when you will be available for her?

    Good luck.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 1:29 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • That is a great idea Kjrn. Although, knowing me....i'd probably still cancel. I think her begging & desperate-ness makes me want to hang with her even less....I'm starting wo squirm when i get her calls & texts!
    samurai_chica

    Comment by samurai_chica (original poster) at 1:31 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • i have one of these too but thankfully we dont have but the same interests. i was nice at first then i finally said look i like you but we like to do different things. it took 4 years before she got it. just say no and do not cave. i find if i say yes to one thing,say coffee sat morning, then she calls sat afternoon to walk or go for an errand. then it turns into please come to mall to do this etc...after a few times of her bing in my life all weekend, i had enough and now i know unless i want her bothering me all wkend say no. or say yes to cofee sunday morning then the weekend is almost over and she wont call again. the thing that finally got her to stop asking though i never would have guessed . my brother in a band, asked her to go, she hasnt bothered me since. said too loud could not talk not her thing. ha! we dont get her calling much anymore
    stargazer74

    Answer by stargazer74 at 1:52 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Just always be busy, and don't feel bad about it.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 10:14 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

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