Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I tell my mother in a nice way that she needs to dicipline my daughter when she takes her or else she cant take her. My daughter is 3 and for the most part very well behaved but everytime she comes home from her grandma visits she is horrible for like 3 days after then i have to be the bad guy and do extra diciplining even tho it isnt my fault. Help me please.I have brought it up to my mom before and she just says grandma law get used to it.. and not everything is my fault.

Answer Question
 
lovinmybaby87

Asked by lovinmybaby87 at 3:58 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 12 (704 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Not sure what else you can do if you have already brought it up to her. The only option is put up with it or not let her go over there until your mother takes you seriously about this issue. Good luck:)
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 4:00 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • well maybe if you sit down with her and tell her you love her very much and she did a wonderful job with you and now that you are a mouther you need her help. and that it is very difficult for you when she comes back from her visit she your daughter is very disruptive.and that it's ok that grandma loves her but also to help you by having some disiplin as well.and work together on it
    juana67

    Answer by juana67 at 4:06 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Ah yes, Grandma law. Never heard it put that way but I'm familiar. The last time we heard it was "I'm Grandma, it's my right to feed them junk food, skip naps, give horribly irritating and not just annoying toys. Our response was "it's our right as parents to say no to whatever we don't agree with." It doesn't sound nice but it's not as rude as saying grandma's rule get used to it. I would say that it's not out of line to tell her that your rules get followed or she won't watch your daughter until they get followed.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:08 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Your baby is 3. It wont actually matter who does the disciplining, when or where. She acts out because not for lack of disciplining but because of the confusion of the disciplining process and shes left feeling confused. She will figure out that while at one persons house, school, church, car, grocery store, park, the rules change with each situation. Sorry sweetie, its not just your Mommy, its the baby trying to figure out what rules apply 'where'. Be patient and not to strict, as it will only make matters worse. A constant reassuring guidance is all it takes , and a little more time...for her. Dont be the bad guy, be an understanding Mommy. ok?
    lacyjones

    Answer by lacyjones at 4:08 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Well since you already talked to your mom and she is not willing to listen there is not much you can do. About the only thing you can do is either make it 'supervised' visits where you go with and when your daughter is acting up you discipline her, or you not allow her to go over until grandma starts enforcing rules/disciplines behaviors.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:09 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I was in a similar situation with my mother, eventually I put my foot down. I told her she wasn't going to see my kids if she let them do things she knows I wouldn't allow. I'll admit I was a horrible child and I know why - my mother was full of threats but never followed through. I was 14 when I met my mother in law and let me tell you - she's a mom to 7 boys and 1 girl, when she tells you something you had better listen or else. She was the disciplinarian in my life and I'm grateful to have her. I know there are still some things my mom lets the kids get away with and because she is grandma I let the little things slide - although last summer we got into a heated public argument. My 4 year old threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy her something and her crying and thrashing didn't make me feel bad,my mom told me (in front of my kids) that I was mean and had no heart.
    anon1986East

    Answer by anon1986East at 4:37 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in General Parenting
Holidays

Next question overall (Health)
Do you meditate?