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Are you suppose to wear RED to a funeral?

I always thought to wear something dark.
Well my stupid cousin wore red to her mother's funeral (my aunt) :(

I can not believe she did this maybe she wanted to seem like she was happy but in a good way bc her mom is no longer is suffering.. It is not so much of her being happy but if you knew my cousin you'd be like yep that is why she wore red but from what I remember when we were little she would always disrespect her mother and be very rude to all of us and now that she is gone my cousin is trying to get all the credit like yeah I took care of my mom when she wasn't feeding her correctly my aunt died of stomach cancer and did not eat right supposibly she did not want to ever eat but yet when she'd use #2 my cousin did not wnat to clean her :( So I am guessing she did not feed her my aunt did look really skinny when she passed I wouldn't doubt it if she died of starvation. :( Can u please help ease r pain thanks

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (29)
  • Its her mother, she can wear anything she wishes to the funeral.

    As for the rest, unless you were there 100% of the time, you do not know what happened at your Aunt's home. And people with stomach cancer are going to get really skinny. They aren't going to want to eat.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:37 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I don't see how the color red has anything to do with your other emotions.
    Frankly, I would be happy if everyone wore bright colors, went out for a drink, and remembered all that was good in my life... That would be the most respectful thing that everyone could do.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:37 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Sorry for your loss. However in this day and time, I don't think any color is appropriate vs. non appropriate, rather I think most people just wear what they can afford.

    Answer by m-avi at 4:38 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • i think you can wear whatever color to a funeral

    Answer by brooke4510 at 4:43 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I also would think red would be acceptable. Likemany of the ladies, I wouldn't want everyone all dark and dreary at my funeral. I'd want them to celebrate my life. For the rest of your post, it sounds like you have a lot of built up resentment towards your cousin. Were you there to witness any of the things you accused her of? those are pretty serious accusations. You're basically saying she's guilty of murder. Anyway, my grandpa had stomach cancer as well and it's very painful. Take a deep breath and relax. Death is always sad and we miss those who've gone, but this kind of negativity will eat away at you.

    Answer by kittieashy at 4:45 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • What to wear to a funeral is greatly dependent on religion and culture.

    I was raised Hindu.. We wear white to a funeral.
    My husband is Sikh ... Sikhs were white to a funeral as well.

    Many Asian cultures where white to funerals.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:45 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • My aunt passed away recently from Breast cancer and almost everyone wore pink to the showing and funeral...her closest grandaughter was in a hot pink dress the first day of showing and then in pale pink and black the day of the funeral. Of course this is because pink is the color for breast cancer awareness. I dont really think it matters what you wear though. Most people with cancer that have been undergoing treatments do not eat well because it makes them sick and they get bad tastes from the food. My Aunt and FIL were both very skinny when they passed away after battling cancer. I am so sorry for your loss...try not to think about the things that other people do just savor the memories that you have and know that she is in a better place.

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 4:45 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • It is entirely cultural. Where I'm from un;less the family makes a specific request regarding colors for a funeral Darker colors are preferred. In fact, the way I was raised wearing red to a funeral was/is the highest form of disrespect. It all goes back to streetwalkers in red. Many people are moving away from the more stringent 'rules'...but I think it will be many years before a bright red dress would go over well at a funeral here.


    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:51 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • i don't see what someone else, namely the deceased's own daughter, wears to her mother's funeral has to do with you or anyone else. everyone grieves in a different fashion (pun intended). perhaps there was a time her mom told her she liked the color red? who knows??
    you've all suffered with the deceased. now is the time to heal, and accept things as they are. sorry about the loss.
    btw..when a body is dying, it does not normally feel hunger. their body is shutting down, and along with that process, so are their normal behaviors or needs. anything going 'in' will produce when her mother ''used #2", i'm sure she did have a mess. not all people are capable of just getting in there and cleaning up another's excrement. did her mother have hospice care? i'm not justifying anyone's non-actions, as no one knows what really went down. you just can't make anyone do what you think they should do. that is all.

    Answer by dullscissors at 4:52 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I don't know how most families do funerals. I know with my family, even though we are grieving, we don't do funerals for a time of sadness, we all come together to celebrate the life of our loved one that has passed. We normally don't wear dark colors. I don't think it is wrong though for people to wear red, and if you think about emotions and colors, red is the color of love and passion. I am sure she loved her mother! I can understand how outside people can see things differently, then what is actually going on inside the home. I think you should not be so angry at your cousin, especially now... she just lost her mother! Sometimes, people don't have the stomach to handle changing an adults BM, that doesn't make her less of a person. I don't think you should make her feel bad because she did not live up to the expectations you set in your head as to what one is supposed to do in that situation. I am sorry for your loss

    Answer by sheloveearth at 4:54 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

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