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4 Bumps

Would you be upset too?

Ok, so my husband and I ended up moving in with my inlaws to get out of debt and save some money for a few months. Well, I looked at our bank account today, and my husband has gone out to eat 4 different times in the past 3 weeks! He said one time was cuz he was mad and didn't want to eat with everyone, another time cuz he was sick, and he doesn't have a reason for the other times. But, I thought we were trying to save money. We've also, been trying to save up a little money to go see my family for Christmas, and my husband keeps telling me that we're barely going to make it, if not at all. Do I have a right to be upset?? And how would you approach him if you were me, without causing a big fight?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • He's a big boy. He can grab something to eat if he feels like it and honestly 4 times in 3 weeks is nothing. Just remind him that you guys are trying to save up and that you'd be happy to cook for him if he's wanting something different. 4 times/3 weeks = not a lot.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 5:08 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • you need to make sure you don't make it a blame game...even though it was him who did it. What you can say is something like "we need to be on the same page so i need to know what you want to do in these situations." tell him your understanding and also understand that there is a lot of guilt that men deal with my having to move home because it is a failure to them. They feel like they are not providing properly. Most men tend to rebel against those self imposed feelings buy "doing their own thing" like eating out when he knows full well he shouldn't. Be patient and also allow yourselves to splurge a bit...maybe tell him that you would like to make it an every other week treat and that you would love to go with and spend some quality alone time. That way you can also reward yourselves for making good choices.
    kikiandrob

    Answer by kikiandrob at 5:10 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Me personally..


     Whether or not I would be upset would depend on the financial "ground rules" my husband and I had established and agreed upon.


    If we had mutually agreed that there would be no eating out.. Then yeah, I can see myself being upset.


    If we did not mutually agree upon that... Then no, I wouldn't be upset.. I would be talking to him and setting up some financial ground rules/expectations.

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:11 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I like what pixie trix said.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:23 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Well, if I were living with my in-laws because we could not make ends meet and hubby was pulling money out of our savings account to go out to eat I would be hacked off. That said, when we lived with my in-laws it was hell on earth, so bad in fact that we ended up separating because I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Bottom line is I would talk to him and find out if he is as commited to saving as you are. He might not have as much of an issue about living with his parents as you do (if you have an issue) - I know that is how it was for us. Good luck!
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 5:28 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • at this point I wouldn't be upset instead like pixie trix said-you need to lay down ground rules. Living with your inlaws is something that could potentially cause lots of other problems just because it is stressful living in someone elses' house so if you are there to save money then I really think the two of you should sit down and go over finances and each of you should have at least $20 extra every week or two to spend on fast food, nail polish-whatever so you don't have to sit and justify every transaction to one another-that will just turn into score keeping and resentment towards one another. Good Luck.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 5:34 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • He's making excuses for his excessive spending and none of them hold up. If you are trying to save money then that means you BOTH should be cutting back on luxeries. He has no excuse or reason to be eating out. I think you just need to let him know that if he's too mad to eat with the rest of the family he can take a plate somewhere else to eat. If he's sick he can eat in bed, etc. He needs to know that you are trying to better your lives and that means you both need to cut back on luxeries.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 5:36 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I would ask him if he would like to move in with my parents? lol seriously how we he feel if the shoe was on the other foot? tell him if he wants to continue living with his 'rents then he is on the right path. no honestly, talk to him and explain how you feel about it and ask him if he truly is trying to leave or if he is just comfortable. because it definitly should be fifty fifty. hope this helps :)
    haley8282

    Answer by haley8282 at 5:38 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I'd tell him seeing your family is really important to YOU. Even if he cannot relate out of respect, he should. Tell him to eat in or else start stashing cash yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Lol that's men for ya, they say one thing and do another. I think i would be a lil upset if we talked about it beforehand and had an understanding. Just make it clear to him without sounding mean that he needs to work with you and be more careful with the finances.

    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 5:40 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

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