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how do you get through separation or divorce when there is kids involved?

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Asked by natasha85 at 1:45 PM on Nov. 1, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • I don't understand what you mean. Do you mean, how can you help the kids? I think lots and LOTS of positive, fun time with both parents is important so the kids know that they are still important and loved, and so they know that it's not thier fault. Guilt is a big thing in a lot of kids who's parents split up.

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 1:51 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Communicate to them what's going on. The worst thing you can do is leave them wondering why all of a sudden daddy is gone. Kids tend to blame themselves - they feel that the parent left "them" for some reason. The most important thing to get across is how much mom and dad love them. Never put them in the "middle" of any negotiations or fights. There are so many other things I can say, the bottom line is make them feel as secure and drama free as possible. It is a very emotional time for everyone.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:59 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I will speak from experience just be there for them. The biggest thing is no matter how upset or mad you get at their father do not EVER EVER speak badly about him in front of the children or to the children directly. Words as we all know leave deep wounds that do not heal and they have enough intheir minds they do not need to be hearing how awful you think their dad is. It is also really important for them to know that this has nothing to do with them it is between you and their father and you both love them so much. In Florida you are required to go through a class called Children of Divorce and it teaches all of these things. I also found it helpful to get them to talk about how they are feeling and acknowledge their feelings and again let them know it has nothing to do with them. Be consistent and loving and you can not go wrong.

    Answer by mommygreeneyes at 2:05 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • well i guess what am i trying to ask is how do i get myself and the kids through it? iam an emotional wreck and as soon as my daughter whos three and daddys grl starts askin for her daddy i break down. i just dont think that iam strong enough for this... what should i do?

    Answer by natasha85 at 4:44 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • You are strong enough! You never know how strong you actually are until that strength is tested. Divorce can push your limits.

    Don't talk bad about their father. Tell the kids that you love them and so does their dad, but you can't live together anymore. Extra hugs, but don't overcompensate by letting them change their normal routine.Try to provide them with as much stability as possible. I also suggest family counseling, it helps.

    I am a child of divorce and I have also been divorced. It's not an easy thing to go through with kids, but my daughter kept me sane. You just need to keep yourself and the kids grounded. You can do it!

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 12:51 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Do your best to keep the lines of communication open my son was 4 and daddy's boy my youngest was not yet a year. It was really hard. When your daddy's girl needs daddy let her call him, have her leave a messege if he does not answer and try to set up a time when they can call one another. Go see a counceler, if nothing else just to vent. That way you are not venting when your children are around. Never bad mouth daddy, because somday they will make up there own minds about what happend and you don't want to end up the bad guy. I went through 3 divorces with my mom and swore I would never do that to my kids, just remember to think how what you say would make them feel if it were you in there position. If you need to chat try to get ahold of me!

    Answer by Teraesa at 10:27 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

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