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Help Moms! My 10 year old daughters best friend's dad just commited suicide--how do we deal with this??

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Adria71

Asked by Adria71 at 2:19 PM on Nov. 1, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • you really should look at it just as any death, your daughter should make herself available emotionally for her friend,just to sit and just be, invite her over a safe place to get away from it all. sadly I've dealt with suicide in my life, somehow it seems harder then when someone was sick or even died from an accident. you always questioning yourself for what you missed and stuff. You should reach out to the mom and make your house available for her child to come to give her the space she needs and to help so her child doesn't see her so upset. good luck

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Oh honey....that's gotta be hard. Is her mom still around? If so mom has got to be going through hell right now...the only things that I can think of is be supportive of her. Have her spend the night with you a few nights, give her mom some time to collect her thoughts as well as get her (the child) out of the house. Be understanding, maybe pull her aside and ask her how she is doing. Give her a great big hug and tell her that you will always be there for her if she needs you. I know when I was that age my best friends mom was like a second mom to me, so if you are like that with her it will help her a lot.
    Con't...
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 3:39 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • How is your daughter doing with all of this? Its a pretty frightening experience, to have something like that go on. When I was 12 my friends mom killed both herself and him. I did the unhealthy thing and pushed it to the far corners of my mind and didn't think about it for a long time. Don't let your daughter do that, or her friend. Talk to them about it, see what they are feeling if they will talk to you.

    Good Luck hun, I know this has gotta be rough for all involved.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 3:39 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • You need to tell her he wasn't well in his mind or he NEVER would've hurt his daughter like that.She has to understand that it's not something a lot of ppl do, & that IT WAS NOT HER FAULT! My sisters dh did this in front of her & their son COWARD if you ask me anyway,just let her know he was sick in his mind. try to get them BOTH to talk it out but don't push.
    it's so sad I'm sorry
    tntornado45

    Answer by tntornado45 at 5:17 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • IMO get your dd into counseling and maybe suggest it to the mother. Keep an open line of communication between you and your dd as it's important for her to be able to talk to you about whatever she's feeling/thinking whenever she needs to.Maybe make yourself available to her bf also.Maybe the four of you can get together at your/her house, with their guidance counselor at school (ne where you think is a comfortable place) and have a TOTALLY OPEN CHAT.Let them know not to hold anything back as well as they don't necessarily have to talk if they're not ready and maybe just listen. Don't "push or drill" them for what you think they may be feeling/thinking as they may clam up instead of open up. Lastly, another important step is to help your dd be there for her bf as she may not know how to. And reassure your dd that it's ok to feel/think whatever she is. Hope this helps some and I'm sorry this has happened.
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 1:23 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Thanks for the answers. Unfortunately we have aproblem on a few of the points. Her best friend is a boy and can't stay over. And also, I don't really know the mother other than knowing she is not the most stable person there is. I suspect drug use in the home. They just moved to the neighborhood not too long ago and my dd friend is like another child to us. I made sure he has all my numbers if he needs to call and made sure to tell him if he needs anything, day or night to call or come over. I guess all I can do is be there if he needs me. It doesn't seem to be affecting my daughter at all but I told her just to ask or talk to us if she wants to. Thanks again!
    Adria71

    Answer by Adria71 at 4:53 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I think that if he really needed to sleep over I would let him. I understand that being he is a boy, you would not make a habit out of this, I would do it in this situation, provided the other parent was okay with it.
    As far as dealing with the death I would just be honest. Let her talk and ask questions. I also think that you did a great thing letting him have all of your numbers. If there really is a bigger issue at least he knows there is some place safe to go.
    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:29 AM on Nov. 3, 2008

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