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i need some help with my seven year old...

I am at the end of my rope with this girl, some days I don't even like her.

She picks on her litle brother SO much, she is acting like SUCH a bully. I lost it on her today and screamed so much I made her cry and I don't even feel about it. I was picked on relentlessly in school and my parents were too busy to care and it'll be a cold day in hell when some one treats my kids that way, even if it is another one of my kids. I have tried talking to her so many times and it's not working. She really needs a good ass beating IMO but I don't want to resort to that. Her older cousin used to pick on her a lot and boss her around, I guess she picked it up from there.

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mhaney03

Asked by mhaney03 at 8:05 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 17 (3,320 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Now that her cousin is at another school they don't see each other much, and last time the cousin was here, they both ganged up on my son and I LOST IT on both of them so she probably won't be coming back any time soon after she went whine to her mother. She gets treated like the queen bitch at her house, her older brothers have to do everything for her and she is just perfect and does no wrong.

    I've even thought about giving my ex husband custody of her just to keep them seperated. to keep her from her cousin and her brother. I just don't know what else to do. What haven't I tried? Why can't I get this under control?

    mhaney03

    Comment by mhaney03 (original poster) at 8:06 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • You've said you've talked to her... what does she say when you ask her why? Have you tried writing her a note and have a dialog that way. Maybe she has trouble expressing herself verbally. I would say if you can get to the root of it (maybe she's being bullied at school) you can start working on that. Maybe try asking her how she feels when she picks on him. I would try asking LOTS of questions to help her think about what's happening herself (how would you feel if someone.... what do you think we should do about it... How do you think brother feels... How would you feel if someone else did X to brother....).
    terpmama

    Answer by terpmama at 8:14 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Every question I ask her I get a shoulder shrug or a "I don't know" Every. Single. Question. And if I pressure for an answer she starts whining and crying.
    mhaney03

    Comment by mhaney03 (original poster) at 8:17 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Does she act this way to other kids at school? Or does she get bullied at school? Ask her teacher and ask her dad what he wants to do as co parenting punishment, even if she keeps living with you.
    DonnaPinitonya

    Answer by DonnaPinitonya at 8:35 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I sent a note to the school today requesting a meeting, so I will be asking about that. Last time I talked to her teacher, she said my child is very smart and "mother hens" a lot of the other students. In my head I was like "yeah that's a nice way of saying she tells them how to do their work."

    I don't want to do anything to stifle her education... she IS very interested in school and loves to learn new things, it's the attitude that I just can't deal with. I don't want to end up punishing her in a way, or restricting her in a way that makes her uninterested in her schoolwork.
    mhaney03

    Comment by mhaney03 (original poster) at 8:38 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Every day, as soon as she starts picking on him or even before she starts, remind her that it is her responsibility to make good choices. If she chooses to make a bad choice (picking on her brother) then she will be sent to her room for time out, where she will sit on the bed and look at the wall until the time out is over. Every time she gets sent to her room for time out it will be longer than the last one. Make sure she knows the rules ahead of time as far as her punishments will go.

    Something else, if you read up on birth order and sexes, you will find that the first born daughter is very bossy and strong willed. I have one myself, so I completely know what you are going through.

    Find fun activities for them to do together to bring them closer. Scavenger hunts and crafts are fun to do. I find that If my kids have an activity to do they are fine, if I leave them to their own devices, war breaks out.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 9:08 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • she need some one that is her age to pick on her so she know what it feel like
    dorispierce

    Answer by dorispierce at 11:14 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Go with your gut, and spank her butt. It really does work!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:43 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I'd be reminding her that her work is her business and other students work is not her business - and I'd be asking the school to do the same. She's definitely liking that feeling of being the boss - and it won't take long for her to have no one to play with, because the other children won't want to be friends with the bossy child.

    As far as her behavior at home? It might be a good thing that you "made" her cry - she certainly deserved to feel bad for those actions! I'd be sending her to an isolate chair to write sentences and then to bed early every single night, until she can behave properly. I understand that you're saying that times you "don't like her" - and hopefully you'll be able to get these inappropriate behaviors under control before no one else likes her either!
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:50 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I would just keep being strict and consistent with rules and punishments for being unkind. Also make a point of spending quality time with her and just TALKING. Communicating feelings really helps a lot and sometimes kids just need to know they can talk and get their emotions out there.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 5:03 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

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