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5 Bumps

What happens if the birth mom changes her mind?

You are going to adopt, the birth mom has chosen you as the adoptive couple. But a few days after birth she changes her mind. What type of protection do you have so you can keep the baby?
what happens to the money you have spent thus far?

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Roadfamily6now

Asked by Roadfamily6now at 8:42 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Adoption

Level 23 (17,767 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • In some states the adoption is irreversable, meaning no matter what the birth mother cannot take the baby back, no way no how, once the papers are signed. It all depends on where you live and how far in the adoption process you are.
    mhaney03

    Answer by mhaney03 at 8:44 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • just days, 8 days
    Roadfamily6now

    Comment by Roadfamily6now (original poster) at 8:45 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • There is a period of time where she has every right to do so. It depends on what state you are adopting from, for some it's 24 hours after she signs rights away I think some states give her 30 days, any adoption lawyer could tell you. If she is within the time frame allowed by the state, she has every right (in the eyes of the court system) to get her baby back and there is nothing the adoptive parents can do. Also, the adoptive parents can not get anything back from what they have spent, even legal fees from the lawyer ect. If she hasn't signed her rights away, then all she does is tell the adoptive parents she has changed her mind and that is the end of it.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:49 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • man that sucks.
    Roadfamily6now

    Comment by Roadfamily6now (original poster) at 8:51 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • has your child's birth mother said she changed her mind? has she signed the papers?
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:10 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • If she has signed the documents, then she has revoked her rights. If she has not signed, and she has not maintained contact, after a certain amount of time (6 months here in CA) then she has "abandoned" the baby. But in some states she has something like a week, 30 days, it depends, to change her mind. It is hard for the A-parents, but I am glad it exists, because I believe if it is meant to be, whatever it is, it will be. Any money or gifts you have given her are considered gifts and you can't get them back. This is why a good agency or laywer will advise you accordingly, and will make sure you are only paying her real expenses, and not just cash.
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 10:18 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • The mother always has a right to continue parenting her child after birth. Sometimes a woman can try to "detach" her heart from her unborn baby, but things change when she meets her baby for the first time after birth. There is then no denying this child. Some continue the adoption plan, some continue to parent (she's been the parent for 9 months, and she keeps parenting). Any PAP needs to realize that this a real risk in infant adoption and prepare as much as possible that this could happen. I also believe that they should be supportive of her decision to parent. I think it's wrong to "possess the child emotionally" before birth. It's one thing to love a child that is coming, but quite another to believe that one has a "right" to the child after birth. It bothers me when I hear statements of "how can I keep the baby". Anyone who would follow-thru with an adoption plan against a mother's wishes is stealing a baby, IMHO.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:03 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • understand. It's just hard to understand, that's all. Seems adoption is extremely risky, emotionally and financially.
    Roadfamily6now

    Comment by Roadfamily6now (original poster) at 1:08 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • (con't) Don't get me wrong. I feel badly for the PAP's for getting their hearts broken. Yes, they have invested money, but as a PP mentioned, any money exchanged can only be considered a gift because it's illegal to buy a baby. I hope that this hasn't happened to you or any friend of yours, but I support the mother's right to keep her baby. Many times, she can't know how she'll feel in advance. I know of some who did follow-thru with it for the PAP's happiness, but it caused them horrendous pain and regret. This is not what one should want for any woman who is considering placing a child into your family. This isn't what you'd want for your child's birth mother. You'd want her to be 100% sure, and that can only happen after she's met the baby. Sorry and hope this helps.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:10 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Quoting OP: Seems adoption is extremely risky, emotionally and financially.

    Yes, it is, but isn't pregnancy as well? Not all pregnancies come to fruition, some have infertility problems and it's emotionally draining TTC, and IVF isn't cheap. I think we can agree that all children are worth whatever it takes to get them here...and worth whatever wait is involved. I waited almost 40 years for ours. He's WAY worth it. :)
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:16 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

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