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leaving my SO, what do i do to prepare?

I'm in a controlling relationship and I'm finally getting out. Its been 10 yrs, I'm a SAHM and have no real job prospects. I have no family/friends within 1600 miles of me and no means to get to them. I can't take money from his accounts because he doesn't allow me access and I have no vehicle in my name and poor credit. What can I do to prepare without him finding out? I know once I file for child custody and support he will do everything to make my life a living hell (even moreso). I feel so trapped and have no idea where to start :(

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You need to find a place to go first of all, go to your local job and family services and they can put you in contact with public housing and give you a caseworker that can help you get medical benefits and food stamps, things that will help you until you are able to get on your feet. They may also be able to help you find a job and give you leads. Don't be afraid to call the cops on him if you need to. If you have a couple of friends that you can trust let them know what you are planning and have them for support. Good luck momma!

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 9:07 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Look for a local shelter for abused women. Do what ever it takes to get there then try to see if your family with help you get to them.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 9:35 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Wow, that's terrible! He has you so isolated that it makes it almost impossible to leave him! My first suggestion would be to be careful. Make sure as mommy that you have things in line before you leave and start this process because if he APPEARS to have stability and a good home environment and can get an awesome lawyer and has witnesses etc., you could come out poorly in court. I don't say this to discourage you from leaving. Not at all. I'm just saying, be smart about it. If he is as controlling as you say he is, he will manipulate people and the system to hurt you. Be prepared for it. I woudl suggest you getting a job first, while you are still there. If he doesn't like it, he can file for divorce but you have to have a way to provide for you and your children first. You may get joint custody with no child support. Once you get your own money, you can get a safe place for you and your kids. Praying for you!! GL!

    Answer by carol2m2 at 12:22 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • They usually have shelters for women with abusive partners so you can get out, never think you cannot no matter how dire the situation. Go to a local library and look up on their computers or even go to a police station and ask them about shelters for abused women. It's about time you got out. A relative of mine was in the same situation and it was the best decision of her life to get out of that situation. You are not hopeless, you can take matters in your own hands. Call your family and maybe they'll give you a bit of money through the moneygram so you can at least get a hotel too or have enough money for some food or something. No matter how far away, family is family. If only my other relative would get out of her situation, my family would put her on a airplane before the night was over! Good for you!!

    Answer by soulmeetsbody19 at 2:34 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Agree with the above posts - get to the women's shelter/abused women support group. Tell them everything - and let them guide you through what is locally available. There is MUCH involved here, and you are wise to plan a strategy for getting out. In years to come you will be able to help others in your predicament.

    Answer by mommyx9 at 11:31 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • wow are we living w/ the same man....i've been with my man for 14 yrs and he was never like this until 2 yrs ago ....i keep hoping and praying for better , but it 's only getting worse. Good luck and try to stay strong !!!!!

    Answer by angie3897 at 12:01 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

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