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Should my daughter be around my ex's girlfriends?

My ex is in the Army and only sees my daughter a few times a year (maybe 10 , 5 hour visits ) and he has dated a lot of different girls in the past 2 years or so. He feels that he should let his girlfiends meet my daughter during his visits because my daughter met my fiance' after we had been dating 2 months. I feel like it is two different situations because 1. my daughter lives with me so I couldn't even have him over until she met him where he only has her a couple hours when he is in town and 2. because he spends so little time with her, I feel he should use that time to build a relationship with her, not build one between her and every girl he dates. Also, my daughter was 1 1/2 when she met my fiance' so she really didn't know what was going on, now she is almost 4 . I feel he shouldn't unless they are engaged since he goes through so many girlfriends (at least 11 in two years ) and he says the are all serious.

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 9:38 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Personally at that age no it is not setting a good example, but there isn't much you can do about it if he doesn't agree.
    aeneva

    Answer by aeneva at 9:40 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • Well, I can do something about it, like I said he is in ther Army and while, yes, we do have court ordered visitation, he isn't able to make alot of the scheduled visits, so he counts on me being willing to trade days to fit his schedule and if I didn't do that, he would prob see her 3 or 4 times a year. So it is in his best interest to respect my decisions on what 's best for her.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 9:47 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • He is the father and has the right to bring who he wants. It's not like he is moving different women into his place all the time...I'd let this battle go and let him bring his girlfriend(s). It's not worth the drama.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:47 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • i feel that any relationship is at risk of not working. i feel that he needs to prioritize and make time to spend with his child if anything as she gets older she would know what kind of person he is. you both have the right to go on with your lives and do it for the baby's sake and he need to not try to use the baby as a tit for tat remember kids know more than you think they might not say nothing now but years later thy would hit you with a u remember when?.
    gianna530

    Answer by gianna530 at 9:52 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • "So it is in his best interest to respect my decisions on what 's best for her. "

    I hope that only sounds snottier then you meant for it to be.

    While I see what you are saying he is entitled to a life of his own, he is entitled to build a relationship with his child and if that means he brings his girlfriends along then that is his choice. At the end of the day his relationship, however he chooses to do it, is the most important thing. You should not be dictating what type of relationship he is having with his child and the same is true if the shoe's were on the other foot.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:18 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • He is is her dad,even though it would kinda bother me to.If you keep him from her just for this reason,then your girl might take it out on you when she gets older.She will see what kind of person he is by what he dose.You would think he would want to spend all the time with her he can,he will regret it when he gets older too.Good luck
    bucky77

    Answer by bucky77 at 11:55 PM on Nov. 5, 2010

  • I think you are going to have to let go of this one. He has the right to do anything he pleases as long as it is not physical or sexual abuse. This meeting of the girlfriends does not even qualify as emotional abuse. It really smacks of you trying to control him even after your own relationship with him is over. The birth mom of my SS has had 5 live in boyfriends in the last four years. Nothing we can do about it. It is a lifestyle choice and the courts do not care. It's in your best interests to let go of you control issues. To trade days with him, to be respectful of his choices, and to work with him to parent the child. If you continue on this track I can see him filing for custody in the future.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 2:04 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • liliangilyn, you are assuming quit a bit about my ex and about our court system. Since he walked out on her and had nothing to do with her for the first 2 years of her life I would have to either by abusive or die for the courts to give him custody. I don't think it is controlling to not want my daughter to be played with by 10 different girls a year.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 6:30 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

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