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Why am I not as excited to find out about this pregnancy than I was with my daughter?

I already feel guilty about not loving this baby-to-be as much as my daughter, and I'm only about 6 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were 'not trying but not preventing' because we agreed we were ready but would leave it to happen when it was meant to happen, and now I feel like it's happening so fast! I was just starting to establish some independence with friends and on my own (my daughter is 2 1/2) and now I feel burdened. I hate that because I do want this baby, but I have so many more worries - the mortgage, the already taking care of one child, etc.. Will this go away? Is this just hormones?

 
grace727

Asked by grace727 at 11:54 PM on Nov. 5, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 9 (369 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Oh, mamma, I know EXACTLY how you feel! I was there my whole pregnancy with my son. My daughter was 18 months when we concieved (accidentally, we were going to wait another 6 months before trying), and immediately I felt VERY differently about the pregnancy and the baby growing inside me. I loved my daughter FIERCELY from the moment I knew I was pregnant, and I didn't feel that way with my son. I wanted him... but I was scared as hell and felt like I would never love him as much as I love my daughter. Right up to the day I had him I felt that way. Everyone said it was normal, and that it would change, but I didn't believe them lol.

    And then he was born and holy crap... your heart grows miraculously in that moment. Most of the time I feel closer to my son now, because he needs me so much more than my 2 year old does.

    You really will love this one just as much. It's just not all new and exciting this time.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:06 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I've been there. This pregnancy as a matter of fact. I can't tell you the number of times I cried because I wasn't ready for a baby but apparently someone or something else thought I was. And this is on top of practicing 'pregnancy prevention' ie - using protection, so it hit me kind of hard. Now I've come to terms with it, we're financially stable, our kids aren't a handful to care for, we have help if we need it (in-laws always jumping at a chance to babysit), and I'm actually excited now. It did take me a few weeks, hell maybe a month to get over the 'what the heck just happened' feeling. I think hearing baby's heartbeat did it for me, along with the first ultrasound. Don't worry mama, you'll get over those feelings too. We're not the first or last women to feel that way. =)
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 12:29 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Relax. In the first trimester we have a tendancy to focus on ourselves. By your second trimester you start referring to the baby as "it" The third trimester you talk about "the baby." Your also may not be as happy because you know from experience how much commitment it takes to raise a baby. It's doesn't seem like much fun when your pregnant and you think of what you may be giving up and what worries you already have. Still, I can tell you from experience that love and enjoy this baby as much as the first one!
    happycboys

    Answer by happycboys at 12:07 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Sounds like maybe you weren't ready to just let it happen... now you just need to shift your focus from something negative to something positive.
    If it doesn't go away as you get further along though, speak up! It could still be hormones but you need to tell your hubby and dr so they can watch out for PPD.
    DonnaPinitonya

    Answer by DonnaPinitonya at 12:09 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I want to add that I also felt incredibly guilty. My son came at a time that we were hard up financially. I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, crying and wishing I could take it back because I felt HORRIBLE that I couldn't buy him new clothes (we bought everything used), or a bunch of new toys. I felt like I had done him a huge disservice in having him when I did, but after he was born... who cares? I mean, really, who cares if the clothes he is wearing are used? Who cares if he plays with his sister's old toys? He's dressed and happy and it doesn't matter a lick because our family has everything they need. He needs love way more than anything else and I have that in surplus :)
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:10 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I know how you feel aswell. Its stress ontop of wanting to be free to do what u want to do. and right now you are highly emotional. Im 15 wks and I was happy then not. cause reality is setting in and like NO ONE i know is or was happy for me cause they know im not in the lplace i should be for another. but good luck it will get better
    mommyoftristan

    Answer by mommyoftristan at 5:54 PM on Nov. 6, 2010