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I feel like such a loser. What could be wrong with me?

I literally have no friends. I go out to try to make friends and it feels like I am being blackballed somehow. For instance, my DD was invited to a b-day party a few weeks back. I took the initiative to introduce myself to some of the other moms whose children attend my DDs class. They all seemed welcoming and friendly and happy to engage in a conversation with me. I was well mannered. I think back, and I can not think of an instance where I might have said or done anything offensive towards anyone. They were all nice to me when we left. They even included me in their plans to make treat bags for the kids in our children's class. I went to where we all decided to meet up, and you would have thought I had the bubonic plague. They avoided me and really had nothing to do with me. I got the feeling they were hoping I would not show up. Though they all seemed fine with me when we were communicating via email. What is th

 
mygr8tluv

Asked by mygr8tluv at 12:29 AM on Nov. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • I have the same thing happen to me a LOT. I don't know what to tell you. I tend to get along best with women who have the same passions I do... I love everything about birth and parenting and so I have found friends at La Leche League and my midwife's birth circle.

    You could try some groups like that. MOPS, etc. I know how you feel, it sucks. Women are weird like that. They like to keep things the same. They probably were not really hoping you wouldn't show up so much as adding you to their already established dynamic made things a little awkward. As long as they keep including you, don't stop attending! Be aware of hints being dropped (like peopl enot responding to your emails), but otherwise give it some time :)
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:35 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • bump
    mygr8tluv

    Comment by mygr8tluv (original poster) at 12:33 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Thanks Ati 13.... Yeah that happens to me a lot. I keep thinking " is it something I am doing?" But I cannot think of one thing that I have done to these people that would offend them. It was like that with an old friend from school also. She just moved into the neighborhood and she actually contacted me. She said she wanted to have a play date because our children are the same age. Then she canceled our play date. My DD was looking forward to the play date too, so it hurt my feelings that she said to my DD that she would call me and set up another play date and she never did. I have not said anything to her since, but when I see her at the bus stop we wave but I get the vibe again like she just thinks I am trash for some reason. I hate to sound paranoid, but sometimes I think someone is stopping people and saying nasty things about me, lol..... probably not, IDK anyone here, no one would be able to do that.
    mygr8tluv

    Comment by mygr8tluv (original poster) at 12:43 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I have those feelings too. I really jsut think that it's a comfort thing. People like their routines and it's not that they don't like you... they just don't like making changes in their lives. Why don't you call your old friend and invite her and her family over for a barbeque or something? I'm starting to realize that I'm not as socially inept as I have always thought, I just have never had the opportunity to establish friendships (we moved a lot when I was kid) and so now it's like starting fresh and people already have their habits and I am not in their usual routine. It's not that they hate me (or you) it's just that it's something different and they like things they way they are.

    Keep trying!
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:49 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I have the same problem. I feel like I'm paranoid too, lol. I don't know what to do. I am not like most other moms and I feel judged a lot. If you find a magic answer let me know, lol. Good luck!
    Banana2222

    Answer by Banana2222 at 2:09 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Because they probably thought that you weren't actually going to show up and now don't know how to take the conversation from there. It's not you, it's them. Trust me, it happens to I'm sure a lot of people. I know I'm one of them. Be lucky you aren't friends with these kinds of people because obviously they aren't reliable. I don't make friends like that. You need to build trust and be in a community of the same people over and over before some of them get comfortable. Others, it can be real easy to connect with. Just think of work, once you've been around them a month, you at least know one person who introduces you to someone else and before you know it, you know mostly everyone. You'll make friends. Change the scenery if need be. Attend an art class or pilates or something that you can continuously go to and eventually becomes friends with from there. Try baking cookies for neighbor too.
    soulmeetsbody19

    Answer by soulmeetsbody19 at 2:27 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • It could be that this particular group of women have taken a dislike to you. It probably has nothing to do with you, but is about their own petty insecurities and jealousies. Seek out a new group of friends. Most of my friends are long distance or on cafemom. They are awesome friends. It truly is their loss when others reject you. Shake it off and keep going. You will find someone that you will click with, and when you do you can develop a great friendship.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 11:30 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

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