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What to do now?

I totally screwed up. I lied to my dh for months and months about our finances and he had no idea what was going on. I got us about 11K in debt....he found out. fixed it. and said he would stay with me and make it work. When he found out he asked a lot of questions and i honsetly couldn't tell him why i did what i did or where the money had been going. He wanted me to see a dr because mental illness runs in my family and i was diagnosed with bi polar. I have started weekly therepy and meds. He says he is "here" that he loves me and that we can get through this, but i don't see it....he is not affectonet (sp) anymore...and he doesnt really talk to me. I know he is mad and i know that he is going to be mad for a while...but i feel so insecure all the time like one day he is just gonna wake up and leave me and i don't know what to do. Please help. Any advice would be great and if you need more details tell me and i will pm. thx

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on Nov. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • well it sounds like you are on the right track and that he is really trying to be there for you, lots of guys would have just up and left. You have to realize that he feels betrayed and hurt he has to work through this too and it might not be as simple as just forgiving you. You guys have a long road of building that trust back up and unfortunately for a while that might mean you having your feeling hurt by the way that he is dealing with your dishonesty. If you are feeling like he is just going to up and leave you then you need to talk to him about it, just tell him that you understand that he is angry and hurt and that you are trying to take the proper steps to correct your behavior but you just want to make sure that you are on the same page as far as wanted to make the marriage work. Good Luck to you.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 2:13 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Right now, you are the person with illness, and he is the caregiver. It sucks to be the caregiver- been there, done that! He said he was willing to stay but that he qualified it with "if" you go to therapy, etc. Do your part. That's all you can do, and trust him that he will keep up his end of the bargain. Focus on your recovery. Get to the bottom of your illness, understand your illness, and what it will mean for the rest of your life. Make sure he has a good understanding of your illness. Bi-polar doesn't just go away.

    Answer by happycboys at 2:13 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • P.S. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You were just diagnosed! I am guessing the therapy and meds will help a lot.

    Answer by happycboys at 2:15 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I feel this! I myself am sort of hinterlands of diagnois of bipolar, makes no sense really but keep with me.
    I've been married to my hubs 4 years and every day I worry he's going to just wake up and realize, Holy Shit! This woman is crazy I want out. We have had some nasty fights as I work through my issues, and he still stands beside me. He might storm out or I might storm out but our kids are always cared for and we always come back. It's good to talk about what happened too, even if it's hard.
    Therapy is great. You might look into DBT it's helped me a lot. Also med adjustment takes TIME. Sometimes lots of it. And if you have a good psych changes happen one drug at a time, which sometimes feels like it sucks but is really for your best interest.
    If you need someone to talk to, I'm around. one of the things that helps me is to blog it all out it's for me the safest way to get things out of my head and out where other can see.

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 5:58 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I think it is good you are on meds. Hopefully that will curb the spending. I can't answer for him. I know with my hubby, finances were a huge deal with his ex wife. He used to get physically ill when it would come time to pay the basic bills as there would be nothing in the account. At that time they were together making over $100,00.00 a year. But the money was being spent on clothes for his step daughter and expensive entertainment, tanning booths and nail salons. It did turn my hubby off so much that he could not look at her, much less be affectionate. It was one of the main issues that ended their marriage, so it is good that you are concerned. His ex was never concerned and just told him to get a weekend job. So, if I were you, I would cut up all credit cards, limit your access to the bank account and find something to do besides shopping that makes you feel good, like exercise or some kind of class.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 11:10 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

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