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2 Bumps

puppy love

Would you allow your 13 yr old daughter to have a boy she likes over as long as adults are their? I know she loves this kid I've met him and told them they arent allowed to hug or kiss,I know I shouldnt even allow them to hold hands,problem is she does whatever she wants when she's not under our watchful eyes. I'm so scared she's gonna have sex with this kid and it freaks me out. She tells me she isnt gonna do that and that its gross but I think its bs and her way of trying to console me. What should I do? Should I put a stop on it now and tell her no guys over no matter what and keep her here like a prisoner,cause thats what she would think.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Nov. 6, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • There is a plaque on my dining room table that reads, "TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON, AND A TIME TO EVERY PURPOSE UNDER HEAVEN". I have 9 children (9, 10, 11, 13, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 21) and I have always explained to them why we do things in the order that we do them. If you are not equipped to: get along with your siblings, respect your parents, yourself and others, perform simple chores without being told to, exhibit self control, get your education, have the means to take care of yourself and possibly someone else, then an intimate relationship is not for you . Seems like in our society we tend to "put the cart before the horse", as my mother would say. First things first, a childhood, education, a career and means of support and then a relationship and family. Let's teach our children that some things are to come in it's own season, and when we eat before it's ripe it will be bitter.
    Lordgivemewizdm

    Answer by Lordgivemewizdm at 4:42 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I think you should allow her to see her friends even if she has a crush on them. I would make it a group thing with a few more friends. Be very explicit about the boundries- this is not your boyfriend, you can have a boyfriend when your __ years old. You can see a boy one on one when you are __ years old. You need to leave your bedroom door open at all times. Whatevery rules you want to set should be between you and your daughter,and not the boy. I would however encourage you to talk with his parents about what your rules are if this boy ends up coming around regularly. Also, make sure you set consequences for not following the rules and stick to them. It sounds to me like your daughter is strong willed. Good luck!
    happycboys

    Answer by happycboys at 2:42 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • That's a tough one. My parents were super strict and we were lucky growing up if we could have a GIRL over to the house, let alone a boy!!! It backfired with my older sister. She married EXACTLY who they said not to. She turned wild in hs. Started smoking, drinking, having sex, cursing like a salior, skipping school, bad grades, you name it she did it. If they told her not to do it-she did it just to spite them. I, on the other hand was terrified of them and turned the other way. I was so determined to please them in every which way and found out the long hard way that it was impossible to. I was always and still am very conservative. I waited until I was married, never smoke or drank alcohol in my life. But looking back on it now I think that Imade those choices for myself because I thought there were truly what was best for me, not just because mom and pop said to, ya know?
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 2:37 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Every child's personality is different. Bottom line is whatever you do, don't give your child the impression that you've given up and she can do whatever because that's her license to do just that. If I had a dollar for every time I heard growing up from friends in school saying"I can do whatever I want, my parents don't care." I would be a millionaire!!! When kids think that mom won't mind then they learn that they too shouldn't care what they do with themselves. Just don't be so strict that they feel you don't trust them at all. It's a fine line.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 2:41 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • If you are too strict, she will rebel even more. She will do anything she can get away with just because she can. My advise, let the boyfriend come over if you are there and they sit in an open room like the living room ect not a bedroom or a room with a door. Also as she is 13 I wouldn't want to see her making out or anything but a hug and maybe a kiss really nothing too crazy. Trust me, if they go to school together they ARE holding hands in the hallway (unless they go to a school that doesn't allow that. She is growing up so talk to her and lay down the rules but make sure they are fair. Also maybe encourage her to have serval friends over (boys and girls) along with the boyfriend, this way they can have fun together but they are not gonna be all over each other in front of friends. My mother always said if I acted trustworthy she would trust me, if I showed her I wasn't I would lose all privleges and have to earn them bac
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:39 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

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