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3 Bumps

Why cant I be okay with this?

My 17 year old son has been texting this one girl alot alot, she is texting him also. The thing is he doesn't seem like a typical 17 year old more like 13. He has asperger's and is socially ackward (for lack of a better way to describe it). I feel like I HAVE to know what they are texting and like I have to control the situation. 1. I don't want him to be hurt. 2. I dont want him to do or say anything that will get him in trouble. Please don't think it is me just not wanting to let go. I have an older son and had no problems letting go or anything like that. I am really just having a hard time thinking this is okay, mostly because I guess he is trying to be secretive about it. more of a vent than question, but what would you do?


Asked by mrssullivan at 6:25 AM on Nov. 6, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (98 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I don't think it's an issue of letting go at all. You're just a concerned mom, and there is nothing wrong with that. Given that your son is socially ackward, I would be concerned as well. How do you know that the girl is not just trying to take advantage of him? I know I have a 15 year old nephew who has cancer and he gets girls coming on to him all the time becuase they feel he is a sympathy case and he gets his feelings hurt a lot thinking these girls care and want to be there for him, and then a week later they've moved on to the next boy and he's crushed. I think it is important to know what her intentions are, becuase at the end of the day, it all comes down to your son's well being.

    Answer by Erin_Jus at 12:01 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Did you keep secrets from your mom when you were this age? it is totally normal for him to want some privacy, he might have a disorder, but he still is human right? try to back off a bit.

    Answer by older at 8:21 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • You are a concerned parent & should have the right to monitor his cell & internet activities. Esp. if its for their own good. Sometimes its necessary to protect them from themselves. I think you are doing the right thing.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:27 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I don't have older children, but I try putting myself into this situation and I think I would probably feel the same way. Your just being "mom". Just try not to keep too tight of a leash on him. The fact that he is "socially awkward" might actually be more of a reason to be accepting of this because atleast he is talking and interacting with a person of the opposite sex. It probably makes him feel better about himself. But I do agree you have a right to know what they are talking about. He's living in your house, under your rules, and your just trying to protect him from certain situations that he may not be able to protect himself from.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 7:42 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Some cell phone companes will print out the text msges for you so you don't even have to mess with his phone. I know verizone will and AT&T will not, hope this helps.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:30 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I understand what you are feeling. Your son is not a "normal" 17 yr old and needs more supervision. Will talking to him about what is right and wrong help? Will having an older sibling talk to him help? Would you talking to the girl help? Maybe she doesn't understand what Asperegers is and that he may say things he doesn't mean or that he may not understand what she says. You are his mom and your job is to protect him, always.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:04 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I am not sure how I would feel about this....

    Answer by LiLJeni at 1:17 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I will say at 17 even with a disorder you need to let go a bit. Is he going to be living with you for ever? He does need to learn things on his own. I don't know a lot about the disorder, so I don't know how much my advise will be helpful.

    Answer by 1Giovanni at 2:20 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Maybe you could suggest that your son invite the girl over for dinner or something... I'm just thinking if you're thinking the girl might take advantage of your son's lack of social skills and get him into a compromising situation, maybe you'll be able to relax more if you meet her in person.

    Answer by debbymichelle at 2:47 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I have 2 close friends with teen 'aspies'.

    Don't feel bad. You need to consider your son's particular needs and limitations.

    For help with so specific a situation, it is difficult for families who are not "in it" to completely understand, and therefore provide the most effective advise.

    A support group for each of you (one for your son, and another for you) could be extremely helpful. Not all areas have them though. If there isn't one near your home, perhaps you might try online support for Asperger teens/parents of/families.

    Answer by ss_mom at 9:57 PM on Nov. 6, 2010