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Custody and moving

My ex & I have a visitation agreement where he gets our daughter every other weekend and every Tuesday. However, for the past 5yrs, he'se chosen to see her maybe one Saturday a month, if even. Well I am getting married and my fiance has a really great job, 300miles away. I have been searching and found a job for myself out there as well. So now that we have a plan of where we can live, it's time to go to court and see if I can get a judge to allow me to move more than 60miles away with my daughter (the ex wont just agree to it). I am really scared that they'll tell me no. I truly believe leaving will be good for us all, we'll be a in a better, safer place, better schools, etc.

Anyone been in this type of situation, and have any advice?? I know judges look down on moving a child away from a parent, but honestly he can see her 1 day a month still no problem. My family lives in the area he does&we'll be visiting

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Nov. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Don't be surprised if the judge turns you down. Just because your ex doesn't exercise his visitation doesn't mean that he shouldn't have visitation.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:09 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I would contact a lawyer, as it sounds like you have full custody and the ex just has should be able to move without going to court at all.

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 10:12 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • My sister has actually seen a lawyer about her custody situation. This is what the lawyer told her. There are times that regardless of the order, the judge will take what the current visitation schedule is as an implied order and if the non custodial parent tries to take the custodial parent to court the judge might rle that if over a period of years, he has not been exercising his rights to the extent of the order, then whatever schedule he has been keeping will be followed.
    This applies to the tendency of the judges in my area. Talk to a lawyer in your area as they know how judges will usually rule in your individual case.

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:14 AM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I think that what you are doing is very effectively keeping the man from being able to know his own daughter. By moving so far away, he will never be able to participate in her extracurricular activities or bond with her in any major way. You are replacing her real daddy with her stepdaddy. If I were her dad, I would fight this all the way to the bitter end. I would file for custody.

    Her dad needs to be in her life as much as possible. I would be looking for ways to encourage the relationship, not separate and nullify it. She may resent you later for doing this. You write as if he is no big deal, other than an obstacle to be overcome in the upcoming move. He is a human being with parental rights and expectations.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 1:51 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I had the same problem OP and all I did was file a move request we had a hearing and the judge was shown records of cisitations and XDH said he was to busy to meet his obligations to visitations. The judge gave him visitations of once a month and I was allowed to move but XDH had to pay 100% travel expences if needed. The judge will look at the current patterns of visitations and the current situation with your new DH and make adjustments that are in the best intrest of the family financially, socially, and emotionally.

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:57 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • when you do go back into court, if you are able to show that your ex has only been using a small portion of his parenting time, that may help a judge let you move... when i was in a custody battle, i documented every time my ex didn't show or left early, etc... in the long run, it helped me tremendously in winning full custody.

    Answer by babymar at 7:16 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I think that what you are doing is very effectively keeping the man from being able to know his own daughter
    He's doing that himself. Why should she stay in the area for him NOT to see her. She has the opportunity to give her child a better life. Why should she sit around waiting for a man who doesn't show up instead of giving her child more security and love?

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:43 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

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