Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Help!! My son is 4 months old and I am breastfeeding. I have absolutely zero sex drive!! My poor husband. Any advice??

Answer Question

Asked by SuzannaJ at 4:29 PM on Nov. 1, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • totally normal. it's normal for up to about six months after having a baby..especially if you're breastfeeding. women really just like the closness, the intamacy part, and when you're bfing, you're getting that closeness from your baby, so getting it from somewhere else isn't on your mind right now. if this keeps up after 6 months, then they recommend you talk to your doctor. you can try to improvise, like give your hubby a hand/blow job or something he likes. that way he's not left feeling that this baby has taken his place. and reassure him it's normal, but if you have to, you'll get some help. hope this helps.

    Answer by armywife43 at 4:52 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Get him to help out more.
    Women tend to lose their sex drive because they feel exhausted, unattractive, and fed up..
    Have him take the baby for an hour or so in the evening- EVERY EVENING!! And not JUST while you make dinner (although that certainly helps), but so you can just have your own time, arms free, to go on the computer, bath, etc..
    Once you start having that time for yourself (and it doesn't happen with just one evening!), you'll start feeling more motivated to take care of yourself.. (cont)

    Answer by Liyoness at 5:33 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • ...
    Next step is to get him to start paying attention to you again- stealing kisses from you, complimenting you, taking the baby without being asked, sitting with you while you bath and simply talking, tickling and rough-housing..
    When he starts making you feel like a WOMAN again, his wife, and not simply a mother, you'll feel like a part of you is special for him and it will give you the sex drive to want to jump his bones.

    It all starts with HIM, though.. This isn't because of breastfeeding, it's because of a breakdown in sexual communication with your partner.

    Answer by Liyoness at 5:34 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Lastly- Don't think "my poor husband" when it comes to sex. Think "poor me". Sex isn't about the man, it's about your mutual gratification... You're not excited about sex because you're not thinking about what YOU will gain from it..

    You worry about his sexual needs being met, but is he meeting yours? Is he going down on you?? Is he nibbling you in all the right places?? Is he doing ANYTHING to attempt to pleasure you??

    Answer by Liyoness at 5:38 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • And I would like to add on to the above... Lack of sex drive is NOT exclusive to breastfeeding. Your body jus spent 10 months building a human being. You really have to give it time to "bounce" back. If it takes a minimum of a full year to replenish you body with what growing a baby takes, you cant really expect your lebido to reappear very quickly either. I agree though. Taking care of a new little life does take not just emotional energy, but physical energy. If you don't get some of that back from someone else, then you really aren't going to have it to give. I am sure your husband understands that. He probably doesn't like it, but I doubt he would trade in the baby for sex. Ask him to give you a little, and you will find it a LO easier to give back. Slow and steady really are best at this point. And congratulations!!!

    Answer by alwaysathomemom at 5:49 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I have to agree with Liyoness!! It wasn't until I started getting back to my "old" self and my husband started taking a "new" interest in me that I became interested in sex again. Having a baby changes a lot as you now know and it's damn near impossible for things to be and feel the way they did before baby. But it does take time and effort can't expect your sex drive to all of a sudden reappear!

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 5:51 PM on Nov. 1, 2008


    Answer by angelairelan at 6:49 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I don't have a sex drive either and my daughter just turned 7 months. I told my husband he needs to be honest with me and let me know when he needs some..... "loving". I have also had to plan ahead in my mind.... Okay tonight I am going to have sex and try ..."try" to look forward to it. Good luck :)

    Answer by MotherShaw at 11:42 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.