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Is it possible to hate and love your step child?

I have a step child that I love dearly but sometimes she treats me like crap and it makes me hate her. Some of the things she says or does could be the same things that my children say or do to me but they hurt more when she does them to me. Am I crazy?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Nov. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • There is a fine line between love and hate.

    Answer by layh41407 at 12:24 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • You don't really hate her, do you? Hate is a strong word to use, IMO.   I think you more easily accept the same behavior  from your biological children, simply for that reason. They are "yours."  Your step-daughter is your husband's.  It's not unusual to have different feelings for her. But, it would make your life easier if you could find a way to deal with her the same way you deal with your own children.  Try talking to your husband.  He might feel the same way about your children.  The two of you could brain-storm and figure out a united front in dealing with all of the children.


    Answer by earlgrey at 12:40 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:43 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I don't know what happeed to my answer to your post but the main thing is just be yourself when she is around just love her and treat her well she will remember all the good stuff about you. GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:45 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I don't think you are crazy. I don't think you have to love her, either. Take some of the pressure off yourself to love a child that may be currently unlovable. Try instead to be a good example and to treat her fairly and kindly. That is what she will remember later. You are probably feeling some resentment towards her and this is a very common thing in step parenting. I don't love my step kid either, and I don't waste one moment worrying about it. It is what it is. What I can control is the way I treat him. I treat him with compassion. I think compassion is a higher emotion than love anyway.


    Answer by lilangilyn at 1:46 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I do treat all the kids fairly and when I am upset with her I do not treat her any differently I just try to remove myself from the situation. Most of the time my husband will correct the situation with her and make her apoligize. Thanks everyone for your input! I am open to all ideas and thoughts.


    Answer by TiffanyPlew at 1:48 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • not hate but dislike....

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:46 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • okay it could be a very strong dislike, and not hate, but when I am upset with her I seriously have to remove myself otherwise the presence of her irritates me

    Answer by TiffanyPlew at 7:41 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

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