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Grandma Issues

My husband is CLEARLY his mother's favorite child (She's openly admitted it in front of all 4 of her children) and this is going to be her first grandchild. My mom has 5 other grand children between my 2 sisters, and this will be her first grandchild from me. My mom tried to talk with my MIL about what items she was going to get us so that my mom doesn't duplicate gifts. My MIL has openly said she doesn't have the money to get us much. That doesn't bother me, because I don't expect either grandparent to go above and beyond on gifts. What upsets me is that while MIL says she can't get us much she is setting up a complete room for our baby there..which is 3 states away. I've already made it very clear that my child is not going out of state without either my husband or I, yet she finds it necessary to set up shop for my son to basically live with her..Should I be upset or am I just being hormonal??


Asked by Erin_Jus at 12:52 PM on Nov. 6, 2010 in Pregnancy

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This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • It does clear up a lot. Do they have the room at the house to prepare a room for your son? Maybe they consider the apartment "home" and feel more comfortable with having a room for him there? Have you asked them why there and not here?
    I completely understand how you feel about this but I don't think it's something to stress about. Your son won't go anywhere without your permission but at least if you ever travel to their apartment, your son will have his own space as he grows.

    No matter what, this is your child, you make the rules. Good luck with everything & congratulations on your pregnancy!

    Answer by Marix3 at 2:31 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Just because she has a room set up for him does not mean you have to let him go there without you. I'd just let her do whatever she wants to do and not worry about it. Tell your mom to buy whatever she wants for the baby. If there are duplicates, you can always exchange. This really isn't worth your letting it upset you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:58 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • It’s her business what she wants to set up in her home. At least you let her know what you won’t do in your end. Just let it go.

    Answer by musicmom08 at 12:57 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I agree that she can set up what ever she wishes at her house.
    But at the same time, I would prolly feel llike she is going against your wishes, which when I was pregnant, was one of my biggest peeves. It may be your hormones making it seem really bad, but you're totally right with being alittle upset.

    First grandchilds are a lot for them also. My son was the first for both of our parents and I thought were was gonna be a fight to the death between them at one point so see who got to hold the baby first.

    Good Luck

    Answer by addix2 at 1:21 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • she sounds like my mil.... Presonaly I get upset when she trys to do somethin like that but since she is so far away you know that your son wont be going without you or ur dh .... So I wouldnt give her a thaught of her getting to keep him for periods of time with out yall while he is young... my mil didnt get to take my kids until they were at least 2 but there was reasons for that, she has been in trouble.

    Answer by april_f at 1:13 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • My DD was the first grandchild for both families and my MIL went kind of over board with it also. I think it's just the excitement and maybe this is her way of feeling closer to her grandchild as she is 3 states away and won't be able to see him often. Look at it this way, if you, DH and your DS go and visit your MIL, atleast you will have certain necessities waiting there for you! My DDs room at my MILs has come in handy many times for us.

    Answer by Marix3 at 2:11 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I guess I could have explained the situation a little better. They have a house about 35 minutes away from our house, we are in Florida, in which the kids grew up in. They continue to maintain that house, but my FIL got a federal job working in Mississippi, so they have an appartment there. My BIL and SIL's (all in college) live at the house 35 minutes from my house. My MIL and FIL come back every other weekend to visit the other kids, so they are around quite a bit. They have not done one thing in the house in our state to get ready for a baby, yet they go all out him in their appartment in Mississippi. I know she loves him and is excited, but since they have the house here, and are here a lot, and I've voiced my concerns about my child leaving the state without my husband and I, I don't see why all the focus should be on the appartment there, and not their house here. Does this help clear it up or change thoughts any?

    Comment by Erin_Jus (original poster) at 2:20 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I appreciate it. They do have room here (my husband's old room which is actually completely empty except for an old couch). their other 3 children each have their own room, and they still maintain their bedroom, as well as they have an additional guest room. I'm scared to ask why not here, but they are kind of sensitive people (like I can talk at this point..LOL) and I guess I just want to be respectful and let them be, but deep down it does bother me. I've asked my husband about it and all he can/will say is that they are excited and that they know our son will not be going there. He says that once the baby is born and they realize that we really mean that he won't be going anywhere without us that he believes his mom will pack it all up and move it here, and come and stay here for weeks at a time instead of only every other weekend. I guess this just might be one of the things we just have to wait it out and see..

    Comment by Erin_Jus (original poster) at 2:39 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • She will find out soon enough that once your baby is born, and there is no child in the nursery she created, that there will be no child for her there. At least when you do visit, the baby will have a place to chill!

    Answer by mistical_me at 3:23 PM on Nov. 6, 2010