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Does he deserve it?

Niece is 22 and nephew is 20. Niece is on my side of the family and nephew is on DH's side.

Niece lives out of state but stays in touch via text and Facebook. Nephew lives about 2 hours away but we have no contact with him except when he decides to attend family functions once or twice a year. Despite all the Christmas, birthday, graduation gifts we have given him, we have NEVER, NOT ONCE ever received a thank you, thank you note, text, email, anything!


I have no qualms about gifting to my niece as she appreciates whatever we give her, no matter how much it is, and lets us know. However, I am puzzled about what to do with the nephew. Would you still provide a gift or do you think he is old enough to forgo gifts now, especially since nothing is ever appreciated.


Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Nov. 6, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (17)
  • I don't know if you can say it's not appreciated. I mean your dealing with a male and a female. Just that alone tells a lot. A boy, IMO, is a lot less likely to write a thank you note, card, e-mail, anything. Boys are just like that.

    My SO has 3 brothers. My SO has the best manners, the others are just unspoken, like they expect you to know that they appreciate things you do for them. SMH I know it's weird, but I don't think he should be treated any different than your niece.IMO
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 7:04 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I give my nieces and nephews gifts without expecting anything, they do not need to thank me, I enjoy giving the gift, with no strings attached.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:05 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • The giving of gifts is about the freedom of heart, not of recognition. Boys are just not very conscience of practiced manners as girls are. That doesn not mean he doesnt appreciated them. You said you dont know him very well, so you dont know what his hectic life is like. Dont judge the young man. Give your gift from your heart not from your pats received upon your back.
    lacyjones

    Answer by lacyjones at 7:09 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I don't gift after 18.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 7:14 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Well, I am a firm believer that if you don't receive any recognition or a simple thank you then I think the gift giving should end. It's common courtesy and good manners to say thank you.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 9:13 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I feel like if someone doesn't send me a thank you card, I don't send a gift the next time. Also I don't usually give a birthday gift unless I am invited to a birthday party (of course I have a very large family and that is how we do it).
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:45 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I don't give gifts for thanks. I give gifts because they mean something to me as the giver. If I just felt like someone expected a gift from me then I wouldn't give it but if I knew from their actions that they appreciated my gifts to them (which isn't always in the form of a thanks) then I would.
    tracylynnr67

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 1:19 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • yup if can not say thank-you you don't get a gift
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 1:21 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I used to not receive a thank you card from my nephews...so one day I called up and said I was sending a gift. I said it would be the last gift I sent unless I received a thank u card...never had a problem since
    Brandyh

    Answer by Brandyh at 9:32 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Personally my aunt's and uncles NEVER got us ne thing for christmas. My grand parents stopped sending stuff to me when i had my first kid at 20...then at christmas about a week before we'd get a card from both grandparents to our boys saying the money was for their gifts.
    AustinsMommy306

    Answer by AustinsMommy306 at 1:46 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

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