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When would be the best time to have a second child?

Would it be good to have the second born really soon after your first? Should I wait until my first is in Kindergarden so I can have time with my newborn second during the day? I just worry if I have my second while my first is still at home that he will become jealous. Is there a way to avoid the rivalry and the jealousy? I just want my child and future sibling to be happy and I want to make the new addition to our family to be as easy as possible. What do you think? I would love to hear your ideas!

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MommyBird388

Asked by MommyBird388 at 7:50 PM on Nov. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • well i had my second when my first was about 2 1/2. i had my third when my second was 1 1/2. i think there were benefits to both and drawbacks to both as well. when they were closer together you were still in 'baby mode' and didn't feel like you were a first time mom again lol. the two closer in age are interested in more of the same things and play together better for the most part. it was hard being pregnant and having an older child to take care of because they are heavier to lift, more active etc. but when the baby comes they are more useful lol. when they start kindergarten you would think that it's a break right? gee i think i'm busier than ever now that my son has started school. you also have a strict wake up time/get out the door time and a newborn definately does not go well with that lol. i would suggest having them closer together than that. but either way gl :D
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:03 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I vote for this ---->  wait until my first is in Kindergarden so I can have time with my newborn second during the day


    This way the kindergarden is too busy to be jealous of anything.

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 8:05 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • They both have their pros and cons. My two are 22 months apart, and it's been nice for the most part; I wasn't out of "baby mode" yet so a newborn wasn't too much adjustment for me, the older one was old enough to be able to help out a little (mostly fetching things) but not old enough to ever really remember being an only child, if that makes sense. And I didn't have any problems with jealousy at all; in fact, my son took to the new baby better than I did, probably because I was over-stressing about things like that. It helps to have some kind of routine in place for the older one that won't change when baby arrives, like for my son it was bedtime: baby would stay downstairs with daddy while I read a story to him and cuddled and tucked him in. I think that helped immensely.

    But on the other hand, an older child would be able to help out a lot more. And you might not have to worry so much about routines meshing.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 8:24 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Never a right time. Totally just up to you and your SO/DH. I said I'd wait 3 yrs. I'm now having our second 9yrs after our first. It just never happened for us. Putting it off just created more problems.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 8:54 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I plan on having my 2nd when my son is 5ish
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 9:00 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • You'll know when you're ready. My daughter is 2 1/2, and we're about 5-6 weeks along with baby number two. She's so excited about babies that I know she'll be a great big sister!
    grace727

    Answer by grace727 at 10:09 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I wanted my kids to be close in age (get pregnant when #1 was about 1-2yo)... Well she just turned 4yo! :-( No #2 yet..
    Im sure no matter the age difference you are going to find great things & bad things in their age difference...

    You also have to think about other things. Do you plan on going back to work. If u have them close together, you can return back to work sooner.. (Err.. Or keep yourself from going to work sooner by spacing them out lol)... How soon do you want your kids to fly the coop.. Do u want then close in age to hang out with each other/share friends?.... A 5yr difference means the 5yo will think of their sibling as the "baby" until they are in their 20s-30s...
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 10:15 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I am planning for the Kindergarden route myself.
    But I think it should all depend on where you are in your life. If you can support another baby, without it being more of a burden than a joy. If you are stable. If you have the time and patience, and if you REALLY want one.
    But for me, I will wait until my DD is in school, if I have any more at all.
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 10:52 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • The right time isn't always the same for everybody. But I do think of one thing that can help you out. Make sure your first one is out of diapers before you have a second one. As far as sibling rivalry and jealousy goes, I think it will just depend on the kid. Some kids just adjust quicker than others, and there is no way to predict what will happen.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:22 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I always wanted mine 2 yrs apart but they ended up being 3 and i think it was a good decision! she was old enough to understand,help out, but also be independant and do thing's on her own. I love it!
    HaRlEiGhSmOmMa

    Answer by HaRlEiGhSmOmMa at 5:14 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

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