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How do you say no without sounding rude?

I can't say no. It makes me nauseated to think about some one getting mad at me. I don't like to let people borrow my DVDs and/or books. In the past when I have, they never come back the same. I had a signed copy of a book that my own MOTHER borrowed and when she brought it back the cover was ripped off. No explanation at all. I didn't ask because she's the type to rip your head off for looking at her cross eyed. I think it's because of people like her that I have a problem saying no. I've let my BIL & SIL borrow DVDs and books before but they don't come back for months and come back torn & scratched. I just lied to them and said I didn't have True Blood season 2 because I didn't know what to say. I realize I SHOULD just say no, but it's not that simple of a habit to fix. I don't want to be rude but I need to stop being a door mat! What is your advice?


Asked by Mrs.B3 at 9:42 PM on Nov. 6, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 16 (3,196 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think what you did is absolutely fine. I understand how you feel, and little white lies can tend to keep peace in the family. If people don't respect your personal belongings, then they shouldn't be allowed to borrow them. I agree with you, sister. However...if you DID manage to say, "no, because things are never returned in the same condition in which they are borrowed"....I'll bet they stop asking to borrow things.

    Answer by DMac08 at 9:46 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Just say no LOL Believe me, once you start saying no, or politely saying Oh I don't have it, like you gets easier.

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 9:45 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • i blame my dh lol, i say "well that's his and i'm not sure he'd let me"

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 9:45 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Say that you have promised it to someone else and then hope they forget.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 9:48 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I think what you said was fine or like another poster said you could just say you already promised it to someone else or that you yourself haven't gotten to see it all yet. Or you could just tell them nothing personal but you have lent them out before and they never come back in the shape they were lent out. It must get exhausting always worrying about everyone else at the expense of yourself, as hard as it is I really think in the long run you would be so much happier if you learn to tell people no. It is alright to disappoint people or even make them mad sometimes and they will get over it. You don't want to go through life as a doormat-that can't be enjoyable.

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 11:42 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I agree, DMac08, if I could ever get a back bone and say that, people won't ask any more! I know I can let my sister borrow any thing and it'll come back the same but she's about it.

    Comment by Mrs.B3 (original poster) at 9:48 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • Once you do say no it really does get easier. And the lil white lies are okay but eventually you will have to just say no. For example your dvds you can always say that you spend money on them and expect them to last forever or its a personal collection. Either way it all comes down to protecting your stuff but I understand how you feel I use to be the same way and when I started saying no my family eventually got over it. If none of this works than borrow something of theirs and keep it for awhile and maybe damage it a lil just to give em a taste of their own medicine!LOL GL

    Answer by mymestey at 10:20 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • You have to first overcome your fear of saying "No". And you do that by saying "No". the more you say it, the easier it gets. You dont need to explain yourself either. If you choose not to loan someone something, that is YOUR choice. The item belongs to you, not to them! you are not obligated to loan it to anyone! Stop thinking you have to a people pleaser, because you cant please all the people all the time, nor should you feel you have to. If someone wants to borrow your DVD's, tell them to go buy one or hit the video store & rent one. same thing with your books; tell them to go to the library or Walmart.

    There's such a thing as being "too nice", & people take advantage of someone who is "too nice" all the time. So stop letting people take advantage of you.

    Answer by RubyinPA at 10:39 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • I have a hard time saying no too, I find myself making excuses for why I can't do something or why they can't borrow something.

    Answer by mindi6103 at 10:42 PM on Nov. 6, 2010

  • practice make perfect n ooooooooooo learn to say it because tuch

    Answer by gianna530 at 11:33 PM on Nov. 6, 2010