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how do u move on when losing a child 6yrs go only to lose another a few months ago to stillborn?

i have four kids i have 11 yr old girl and 6yr old boy i lost in 02 due to kidney failure. then in 05 i had a lil girl she 3yrold and this yr in sept i lost a lil boy he was stillborn. how can i get over losing two boys . i try and keep my mind on my girls where it doesn't hurt so much but they're the only reason i want to get out of bed..please helpppppppppppppppppppp

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mommybear05

Asked by mommybear05 at 7:29 PM on Nov. 1, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • hugs you are in my prayers
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:29 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • Do like you said, concentrate on your girls. It's ok to grieve. Maybe talk with someone like a therapist. If it's still getting you down where you don't know what to do, there is no shame in talking with someone. I am truly sorry for your losses, I can't even imagine
    amyofthejungle

    Answer by amyofthejungle at 7:32 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • It is very hard! I dont think anymore ever gets over it... I was pregnant with twins and 3 months ago I went into labor and only one lived... It broke my heart so much.. I blammed myself and still do.... All you can do is focus on what u do have... u have 2 wonderful girls who love u and u love them... thats all u can do... and always remember all the good memories of those who u lost... its tough but it will get better... i hope so at least.... My prayers are with u... i know how u feel
    Pooky_mommy

    Answer by Pooky_mommy at 7:35 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • It is a pain only another mother who has lost a child can grasp. I found a grief counseling group that helped me a lot. 23 yrs later the pain is there, but it is different. It isn't that intense I don't think I can make it through the next hour kind, like at first. There isn't a holiday I don't think about him. May 17th is never a good day for me. It is cliche...but time does heal, it does make a difference. In the meantime breathe one breath at a time, focus on your other children as much as possible. If you believe in a higher power pray. I will keep you close in thought and prayer.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:36 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • You do it very slowly and with other women who understand what you are going through. Once is a tragedy. Twice is unspeakable. I know you are hurting so badly. I am sorry for the loss of your boys. My cousin lost a baby at one year due to a brain tumor and another stillborn baby. I know she would be able to say things to you that I wouldn't know to say. There is a group for those who have lost children on CM. Join and see if it helps. Also, find someone in your hospital support groups who understands. Somewhere out there you have companions of grief. I pray that you will find them very soon. Your feelings are understandable. Love your girls and hold onto the memories of your boys. They are all your children. Love, J
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 7:52 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I have never lost a child, so it is hard to even comprehend that kind of grief. I have mourned miscarriages and everyone around me kept pressuring me to "get through this" or telling me how time would heal things...I felt (and still feel) that I don't want to get over this...that it would be a disservice to the babies I lost to become "okay" with it. I don't know if it is healthy, but I think of grieving almost like a tribute to those babies, like "I didn't forget you...you were so loved". Definitely find yourself a good grief counselor and talk to other moms who have been through this, because most of us don't have the understanding necessary to offer you quality advice here.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 8:04 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • I've lost a child, too. You will never get over it. The best thing I recommend is joining support groups with other parents who have lost children. I have joined quite a few groups here and now I count these women as my friends and have gotten me through really bad times. Is your husband supportive? Since he's gone through it, too, maybe you two can grieve and share your feelings together. I also count on the father of my child for emotional support since he knows what its like.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Nov. 1, 2008

  • My thoughts and preyers are with you. Just stay strong for your kids because they need you.
    histree

    Answer by histree at 5:33 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

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