Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My sisters behavior?

My sister was is a mentally abusive marriage for 13 years. I love her dearly and was there for her the last 4 years of that marriage. Everyday she called me crying. I have a family of my own. I worked nights alone and she took advantage of that. (she called me @ 2:30 am and wouldn't let me off the phone.
I now do not have a job. She cheated on him on night and I was the one in the middle. ( because I was the one she called)
He never LET her work. ( part of the mental abuse part). I told her she could stay here as long as she had a job and was trying. She was here about a month. Then she decided to stay with drug dealers!!!!
I swear she always needs to be the victom! I love her and she is the only family I have other than my kid and my man.
She wll think I am the bad guy If I come out and tell her what I feel. I don't want to loose my sister. Not to self destruction! How can I help her? sorry this is long

Answer Question

Asked by lincsmom74 at 1:09 AM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • The best way you can help your sister is to make her stand on her own two feet. That is not being the "bad guy" at all and you should not feel guilty about anything. Your first duty is to your own famiy and you should have learned this since you have lost your job behind this mess. Your sister is a grown woman who needs to learn some personal responsibility. You cannot live anyone's life but your own and you are responsible for nobody but your own self. This is the "right thinking" way of life which leads to freedom and not the "co-dependent" way which is what you have had with your sister. I know this might sound harsh at first but in the long run, your sister will gain some self-respect and strength and she will have these qualities for the rest of her life. Otherwise, she will continue to "suffer" until she takes responsibility for her own life and stops playing the victim. Either way, it is not your responsibility.

    Answer by bamachild88 at 1:23 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I agree with bamachild88

    Answer by bucky77 at 1:46 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • your sister sounds like a 'carbon copy' of my sister! She was in an abusive rel. with her husb. for 17 years,I was always stuck in the middle too.I did everything I could possibly do but she still to this day makes terrible decisions. I finally had to tell myself to back off.It was causing problems in my family by me always trying to fix her f-ups. I love her dearly and it's hard to sit back and watch her screw up her life but I have one of my own.I'll always love my sister dearly but shes gonna have to learn repercussions for her actions.when it start interferring with your life then thats when you have to take a step back, it's called "tough love"! Good Luck!


    Answer by anichols1 at 6:38 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • She "wouldn't let you off the phone"? I control my phone use, I can certainly choose to end a call. You could have made that choice too. You were letting her lean too heavily on you and now you blame her for it. But that choice was yours.
    Now she thinks you're the "bad guy" if you don't allow her to be the center of attention? Well, she certainly did get used to that - you actively and willingly made her the center of attention for a very long time. And it takes a long time to break bad habits.
    For now, I'd say you need to slowly begin to break that habit. Don't expect it to happen all at once. Just begin to treat your needs as equal to hers.
    And as far as her excessive needs are concerned? There is a world of difference between supporting/assisting and enabling ... offer her support and assistance as reasonable, but stop enabling her. She needs to stand on her own.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 10:53 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I totally agree with alice above ^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 3:35 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.