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3 Bumps

How do I keep my children from thinking our dysfunctional family is normal?

My husband and I are seperated and he has a girlfriend who just had his baby almost 2 months ago. However we have been sleeping with each other behind her back since early August.

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webbpartyof4

Asked by webbpartyof4 at 7:53 AM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Stop sleeping with him. Why are you exposing your kids to this kind of disfunction anyway? And why on earth are you allowing yourself to be used like this? I think you need to concentrate on you and your kids for awhile and back away from your ex. Good luck:)
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 8:01 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • If your still sleeping together are you trying to work things out? I don't know how to answer your question, cause as adults we do things our kids are not allowed to, That's what i see your the adult what u do is your business, You then would have to tell your kids its wrong what your doing, and i f u believe that then u should stop... so its just hard... Good luck. hope u find a good answer

    kileighsmommie

    Answer by kileighsmommie at 8:02 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • You sound like you are still in love with him. But I hope for your sake he is not playing you. I do not think anyone could answer your question except you. You know what to do. You have the power, but do not be a fool for him.
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 8:06 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • i hope he wasnt just sleeping with you because she couldnt , the timing says thats what it is and now he just going to kep on unless you put an end to it
    1LovelyAngel

    Answer by 1LovelyAngel at 8:07 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • My kids dont know. And Im still very much in love with my husband. There is no one else on this planet that I would rather be "sleeping with" My kids ARE my life, and I do agree I should back away from my HUSBAND, but its really hard. Ive known him since I was 11 and we have been married for almost 18 years. So Ive lost my husband and my best friend/
    webbpartyof4

    Comment by webbpartyof4 (original poster) at 8:08 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Maybe I should clearify. When I say dysfunction I mean that we are still married and he has a new girlfriend and they have a child. I dont know he is either gonna leave his wife of almost 18 years and 3 children, or his girlfriend of 1year and 2 month old baby.
    webbpartyof4

    Comment by webbpartyof4 (original poster) at 8:14 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Just my honest opinion.. you need to STOP. Not only is it setting a bad example for your children, but it's like your allowing yourself to be used. Your letting him have his cake and eat it too. I'm sure he is just loving life right now because he has a "wife" who is willing to give it up to him, and then let him run back to the other woman and have his happy little family over there as well. Sounds to me like he needs to make a decision on where he wants to be. I also think you should put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes. Is this what he did to you after you had his kids? Was he sneaking off and sleeping with other women? I don't mean to sound judgmental, but I just hate to see anyone put themselves in this position because I am sure it is one hell of a roller coaster ride on your emotions. I hope that you cut it off soon or tell him to make a choice. And if he chooses you, I hope you can trust him later on. Good luck
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 8:23 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Stop sleeping with him. If you want to repair your relationship do so without sex involved. Set forth to him what you and your children need from him. If he is willing to meet those demands go for it. If he is not, let him go and file for divorce.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 8:28 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • You stop. The kids are going to find out sooner or later. Yes, he's your husband - but he has no respect for you, or he wouldn't have a girlfriend and new baby on the side. And honestly, it sounds like you don't have a lot of respect for yourself, because you know he has the girlfriend, and you're putting up with it :-( I don't mean that mean towards you - just that you need to demand respect - and if he's not willing to give it, then you move on.

    Look at it like this - do you want the kids to think that it's ok to be cheated on? Who knows what other people the girlfriend is sleeping with, what diseases she's giving to your dh, and he's then giving to you... I know it hurts, and I do understand being married that long (my dh and I have been married 18 yrs, and he's also my best friend), but he is not showing you love - and you and your kids deserve to be shown love and respect.

    good luck!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:35 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Oh - one other thought - honestly, I do understand wanting to save your marriage, but look at it like this - right now, why should he end it with the girlfriend? He's able to have a girlfriend who didn't care that he was married, and have a wife who's willing to sneak around the girlfriend to be with him. He gets to have his cake and eat it too, while both of you (you and girlfriend) sell yourselves short, putting up with it.

    As long as you allow this situation to continue where he gets to have the girlfriend and still have the wife, then he's going to do it. We teach our kids by example - they see and and take in more than we know, and when you're tempted, think of this - would you want your son's acting like this, or your daughters putting up with it? Because, by doing this, you're teaching them it's ok.

    Hang in there, and be strong for your sake and for the sake of your kids!
    GL!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:38 AM on Nov. 7, 2010

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