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he loves me but is not in love with me

i don't understand what this means or what he is saying i only know that it hurts and it's all i can thing about day and night. what does that mean? and where do i go from here?

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Asked by pretend2fly at 3:02 PM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • It means he wants his cake and to eat it too. He wants to do his own thing, but still keep you on the hook to prevent you from moving on with your life.

    Answer by karamille at 3:04 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I think it means that he loves and respects you as a person. (like I love my family, friends, etc...) But he is not in love with you as a lover. Kindof like.... he wants to be a good friend, but isn't interested in being more.....I'm sorry. I know it hurts when you find out that someone doesn't love you the same way that you love him, but at the same time that is something you can't control and you wouldn't want to stay with someone who didn't have the same feelings for you. I wish you the best of luck in recovering and finding someone who loves you as much as you love them.

    Answer by Kword at 3:05 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • "NOT something you CAN control" *** sorry

    Answer by Kword at 3:06 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I've heard this catch phrase in a movie I've watched recently. I don't exactly remember which movie it was though. I'm not sure but I think it means he likes spendng time with you but he's not interested in being serious with you.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 3:13 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • His way of saying he does not want to be in a relationship with you. I hope this is not a DH,SO, DF, BF? Wheather it is or not. Move on with your life.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:15 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I can tell you my recent experience. Situation isn't exactly the same but very samilar. At least he came out and made himself clear on the matter. For me, It was indirect words At the time. Like passing words. Between the lines We both were unsure at the moment. Wasn't just him. Now looking back. This is exactly what I would have done. When something is unclear and unsure. This can be him or you, it doesn't matter. The key word here is "space and distance". Tell him how you feel and that you time to think about things, same time, you'll be giving him space to think as well. If you stay as is. It isn't going to get better, trust me. Soon, it will be from, I love you but not in love with you to "I want space/break-up" from his mouth. Before this to happen. You take control and leave and see how he does without you. If he cares, he will realize, if not, he doesn't deserve you.

    Answer by dairy at 3:26 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • To me, love means commitment, caring, dedication. It can be a very good thing to be loved in this manner. To be "in love" means, to most people, the high feelings and emotions that one experiences when he/she meets the love of his/her life. For me personally, I would rather be loved by my husband than to have him be "in love" with me if all that means is that he has an emotional attachment to me. We've been married almost 46 years now, and while I haven't always felt "in love", I have always loved and I have also always known that I have been loved. So, probably like most things, it means different things to different people. So many you should just ask him!!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:27 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • In my experience, that translates to "I care about you as a human being, but I will never want to spend my life with you as the love of my life." Even if it hurts, I would move on, as far away from this person as possible, because if your in love with them you will be more likely to settle. You deserve to be in love with someone who will also be in love with you.

    Answer by sarah427 at 4:34 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • To me that means he is not committed anymore. You need to ask him what that means to him.

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 4:43 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • As hard, and stupid, as that statement is, the only place you can go is forward. Stop worrying about your guy and start worrying about you. I know how hard it is; I felt the same way you do when my first left me alone with my dd. Remember all the time and energy you used on him? Now you have more of that to use onyour kids and yourself. Get your hair done, nails done. Have fun, and move on. I know that sounds easier said than done, but he is playing mind games with you, and you need to move on from him. Good luck.


    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 5:05 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

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