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3 Bumps

What did you find useful when coping with losing someone?

I recently lost a person who played a large part in my life and I'm finding it hard to do anything, especially with a new baby in tow. Does anyone have any advice?

I'm not a big fan of counsellors, I think they generally do more harm than good.

Answer Question
 
leah_rai

Asked by leah_rai at 5:31 PM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,665 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • For me, keeping busy helps a lot, although I've never had to while dealing with a newborn.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 5:32 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Time and reflecting on the good moments spent with that person helped a great deal. However, the holidays always seem to feel empty without their presence there, that's usually the tough part.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 5:34 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I had a DD killed and I found support groups for dealing with the death was very helpful. I went to 2 diff. groups. It lets you talk and get it off your chest and you become very compassionate listening to others. I did go to 3 yrs counseling and mine was very helpful, but then ag I lost a child. Good Luck.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 5:36 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • So, I did not handle the loss of my first child (age 6) so well, I lost myself in drugs - meth mainly, for several years heavy, Then my bio clock was loudly clanging in my head so I just quit. I have since lost my mom, all my grandparents and a newborn as well.
    I am mixed on counseling. I have had a counselor that was fabu and I got through some things then my last foray into counseling did more harm than good. I will probably never go to counseling again.
    How are you handleing the loss? Just having no energy and feeling sad and sleepy? How long ago was the loss? How old is the baby? so on top of the loss are you exhausted from lack of sleep? Overwhelmed so ignore it and it will go away?
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 5:43 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I Stayed busy, Wrote in a journal I also have some good friends that would let me talk it out. Remember the memories.... I lost my sis 2 years ago. we were VERY close. It's tuff and still is. Every day is a gift you MUST focus on the present and keep your memories close to your heart.
    shastamarie

    Answer by shastamarie at 6:10 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I was 106 days sober when my dad got killed in a car accident. One of the last things he said to a cousin of mine is how proud he was that I finally took that step because since he had been an alcoholic for so many years and so was his father and grandfather (well you get the picture), he blamed himself for my problem. So, my way of coping was to stay sober to honor his legacy. When something tough comes up, think of the person you lost and say "what would ***** want me to do in this situation?" This is my biggest coping tool. Good luck!
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 6:22 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • my relief came in reading the Quran. and understanding that all things have a beginning and and end. and understanding exactly what happens after death . This helped me at a time when i suffered 2 unexpected deaths 6 months apart and 2 others expected around the same time. i was a complete mess. but was helped through reading the quran. i eventually converted to islam.. i credit those deaths.

    the sorrow is great. the grieving period is needed. grief and remember you loved one with a great remembrance and know that relief comes after hardship. i am sorry for your loss.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 4:19 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

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