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5 Bumps

should I let it go or stay firm

DH and I have been having a revolving fight and I don't know if i'm being confrontational or if I should stand my ground.
he keeps wanting to do things or buy things and to try to get me to give in he tells me that he's going to get me something or I can go and get this new shirt i've been wanting or whatever. I feel like a lot of the times he's trying to bribe me so he can get his way. we're trying to save money right now and i'm not so concerned with him doing something or spending money but it's the way he goes about trying to convince me. Then he gets mad and says that i always complain that he never does anything for me but when he tries i tell him to not get me anything.
It's just become a huge argument and it's come to the point where I don't even know what is the best thing to do and i'm tired of fighting. we're trying to save money and i don't think it's worth it to justify one purchase for another

 
Parkers_Mommy8

Asked by Parkers_Mommy8 at 5:44 PM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (962 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Parkersmommy has the right idea. Create a "kick-around cash" fund for BOTH of you. whatever amount you can spare each pay period, put it in the KAC fund. That way when either of you want to do something fun for yourselves, buy yourself something, or take a weekend getaway together, that little extra money is there.

    about your husband using money he saved up to buy you something, to go on liberty?? I would never have caved & told him to take that money & go, & forget about buying me something! Yes he deserves to have some fun, but YOU deserve a kind a thoughtful gesture & a gift too! It is not easy being a military wife; you hold down the entire fort as they say, while your husbands gone! And to be honest, him wanting to use that money on himself rather than do what he planned to do with it for you, is selfish. sorry, but you have just as much right to what makes you happy as he does.
    RubyinPA

    Answer by RubyinPA at 7:54 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • It sounds like he is manipulating you. The issue is not about money then, you are right. He needs to respect decisions that you both can make. It is about compromise, maybe. I do not have a solution but he should not be doing that.
    2tinyhineys

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 5:49 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I get what it is like trying to save money and your husband keeps finding things that he can't live without. One thing my husband told me was that he was sick and tired of working his butt off and not getting to have any fun with the money because it always had to go right to savings or into home improvements, etc. He was right about that and he does work very hard. So what if instead of putting ALL of the money into whatever you guys are saving for you consider taking whatever amount you can agree on ($20-$100 a paycheck or whatever you can afford) and that can be his 'play' money, he can save it all and buy whatever he is wanting to buy and then he also doesn't have to bribe you in order to get what he has been wanting, and you can take your money and get that shirt that you have been wanting. It might not have to be such of a fight if you didn't look at it like standing your ground or caving in and more like compromising
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 6:01 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • """So i told him that yes he deserves to go on liberty and enjoy himself and just forget about getting me anything"""


    This is where it went very very wrong...you are now stuping to his level and being emotionally manipulating by making him feel guilty...you do realize he and you are just doing it back and forth....


    I would have just said go and have fun...and while he was gone buy myself a "little" something...it is that simple....

    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 7:34 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • mine tries to bribe me so he can get things too, i'm better at not falling for it these days what with a baby on the way and all but OMG he can be like a toddler begging and then getting all angry when i tell him no. It's sad and it was totally his idea for me to control all the money, he brought this on himself.
    AprylnAtticus

    Answer by AprylnAtticus at 5:50 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I know that feeling then he gets me something with my own money tell him to just ask for it and to stop working you thats what I had to do to mine and he now just asks for it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:50 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • tough one.
    if he really needs things like a new shirt and the like then that's one thing.
    if he's being a spend thrift then that's something else.

    maybe if you set up a amount of money that he and you could spend as you wanted every month.

    hope it works out!
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 5:55 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • that's the way I take it. he is deployed right now and always uses the excuse of "so you can spend money but i can't" and I tell him it's not about how much or what it's about the fact that we have to budget and i don't just go out and buy whatever i want. all i ever buy is food, stuff for our pets, and occasionally a new shirt for our son. I never buy anything for myself and I just sent him a $500 laptop.
    the whole argument started b/c he asked if he could take his liberty and go on this trip that would cost him $70 and he was going to use money that he set aside to get me a gift. So i got mad b/c he's been holding onto this money to get me something from after I got him the computer and he swore up and down that it wasn't b/c I got him the computer. So i told him that yes he deserves to go on liberty and enjoy himself and just forget about getting me anything and he got all offended b/c i'm making him look like an A-hole
    Parkers_Mommy8

    Comment by Parkers_Mommy8 (original poster) at 5:56 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I would be so tempted to tell him that what makes him look like an A-hole is not hearing me when I say that what I want is more money in the bank, not some temporary stuff. BTW, I'm not saying that calling him an A-hole back would really be productive, but it's what I'd want to say.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 6:18 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

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