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3 Bumps

How do I get the strength to move on?

I am holding on by a thread. And last night I had a dream and I looked it up in the dream dictionary and it said that my dream is my sub conscience brain trying to tell me that I am in a situation where I feel like I am being controlled or abused and to get away from it as soon as possible.

Its been 2 weeks on this Wednesday since I have been on normal terms with DH. We got into a big fight. And since then and what he said I don't feel the same. We haven't been happy for so long. And things have happened. And now all I can think about is packing up our kids and filing for divorce.

Its so hard to keep strong. But I know this is what is best for all involved including the kids. I mean he said the other day to his mom "I will sign over my rights to my kids to you right now!" And he said he didn't love me anymore.

I don't want to be here. I'm broke, jobless, and feel like I am digging my way out of a 100ft ditch.


Asked by myownhappiness at 5:55 PM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,714 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • My dear, I don't have the answer you may want to hear...the fact that he said he didn't love you,*t happens but when he said he'ld sign over his rights to his kids...this is a dirt bag and be careful, when a man starts saying stuff like that, 8 out of 10 times, he's having an affair and that brings up a bunch of other problems for you, like if you're still sleeping with him and he's probably having unprotected sex with the OW, then your life is in jeopardy and your kids need you more than you need him. From what it sounds like, you haven't needed him for a long time and your just holding on to excuses to stay. But seriously, look into the affair may or may not be surprised. Good luck!

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 6:00 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • When I left my ex I didn't have a job, I had a 2 yr old, no money, & my parents were going through a divorce, so there was no safety net. I finally told him to leave, went and got a job, and got through it one day at a time. It wasn't easy, & there were times when I came home sat down on the floor & just cried, but I got up the next morning & did what I had to do & at some point, I realized I'd gotten through it, I was strong enough to do what I had to do, & my son and I were okay.

    You are strong enough too. Make a plan, but realize it's just something that gives you a starting point to get through this. Follow through, but be flexible because things will change. Remember the life you want for your kids & yourself, get up every day & do what you can to make that life happen, if it's time for you to leave, then make the decision & do it. He will have to pay you support, & get a lawyer he'll probably have to pay for that too.

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:12 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • First (((HUGS))) second I did what was right for my kids for the past ten years and it was no good for me a happy mommy helps the kids be at ease. I would flee with the urgency and speed of a baby cheetah and even if it meant getting some help to get on your feet do so help yourself and do not wait for the door to hit you in tha. I waited ten years we even went to counseling it did not help only you can know but sit down weigh everything out and decide. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:07 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • You don't need to move, you and the kids need that house more then he does...he needs to be the one to move out and he can get on with his life..."tell him fine you don't love me then leave and don't look back" In the divorce ask for the house and in the terms he has to make half the payment

    Answer by alotleft2do at 6:09 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I had to leave my SO of 4 yrs b/c I was going through the same thing...emotional & mental abuse that wore me out to the point that it felt like physical abuse. I held on bc I had it in the back of my head that "everything will work out eventually." But one day he pushed me to the point that I wasn't going to wait around. I had to take control of my life & do what was best for myself and my son. So I packed up and never looked back. By no means was it easy but I'm a lot happier than I was & I feel FREE. I love my independence. I love that I'm excelling in my career. I love that my DS isn't in some ungodly horrifying situation where his parents are fighting. My ex is now at rock bottom and I'm higher than I've ever been. It will take more strength than you ever though you could muster, but at some've gotta walk.

    Answer by paige8608 at 6:43 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Nobody wants him! And he doesn't work so he is by my side 24/7 >:( driving me insane Even if he was having an affair at this point I could care less. I just want out. I don't know how people do it when they have nothing though. Oh and we haven't had sex in like 3 or 4 weeks. He sometimes tries to touch me like to make up but I don't want him to touch me at all.

    Comment by myownhappiness (original poster) at 6:03 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Thank you so much ladies. These are all things I need to hear. And the house I agree I should be able to stay here with the kids but I rent from his parents and they refuse to kick him out and he refuses to leave. I even went as far last week as going to the police station to ask what my rights are. And in California it isn't much. I can't take the kids and I can't kick him out. I would love to stay without the bullshit but his mom trys to push us together around every corner and trys to force us to stay married and stay living together like its going to force us to work.
    She is a fucking nut job! And today when she left me a message on the home phone I just about had it. She said " The baby is at the front door opening it and getting out. I was just backing out of the driveway now I'm headed down the street just thought I would call and let you know" How about GET THE F out of the car and stop her.
    She wasn't getting out

    Comment by myownhappiness (original poster) at 1:47 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • of the house btw I know because I was sitting here watching her stand at the front door. Between her and my husband I am losing my mind and strength

    Comment by myownhappiness (original poster) at 1:48 AM on Nov. 8, 2010