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3 Bumps

I am so used to being cheated on....

I am so used to being cheated on by every man in my past that now that I think I have the man of my dreams, I cant get it out of the back of my head that he may be cheating. I have no reason to think he is cheating, I just cant help the feeling. How do you suggest I get over this? I want to be able to trust again.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I would suggest that you be sure to have open communication in your current relationship and let your spouse know that there are some things you are trying to get straight in your own head bc of your past experiences. Trust me, not all men are dirt bags. Secondly, it may be a good idea to attend some type of counseling to help you work things out so that you can get to be able to trust again. I know being able to trust mostly just takes time (which may seem unfair to your current partner bc he's not the one that messed that up for you, but if he cares then he will understand that you need time to heal from previous wrongs even if he was not the one doing the wronging).
    Hope this makes sense, I feel like I'm rambling on.

    Answer by Kword at 10:23 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • You have to be confident in yourself. You can actually mess up your relationship with this great man by thinking this. He shouldn't be blamed for doing something he didn't do. You have to give him a chance.

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 10:25 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Im sure at this point you have shared your past w your SO and if so have you also shared your fears and feelings that your past is causing. Though he has not given you reason to not trust him maybe he can see that he will need to help you to get past this. ?Being open and honest is key. Maybe he can in his own way help to ease your mind and even show more affection/attention to show you that your the one he wants and thinks of. The more knowledge you have of his day to day events the more comfort of knowing hes not cheating. Take the time w each other to talk about your days fill in the gaps. No room for errors. also therapy for yourself and maybe together. Trust excercises. Whatever you do you will need his support so talk to him.

    Answer by mymestey at 10:33 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I really think talking to a counselor would do you a world of good. I'd bet you're telling yourself things that aren't here... "maybe he's working late not to pick up overtime, but because he's cheating..." and then the big overtime check shows up and you come up with another reason why you think he's cheating. It's really hard to overcome the things we tell ourselves on our own, a counselor will give you really great suggestions for how to work on your self esteem and begin to heal so you can trust yourself first, which will also allow yourself to trust him. You can also go to counseling with him if that will help, it would help him to understand you better too. If he is really that great, he'll go. Good luck!

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 12:18 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • This is exactly why people need to deal with their past BEFORE moving on to the next relationship. Yes, you need reassurances - which is understandable, but it's really not fair to this guy if he's given you no reason to worry - just because people from your past were bad. Do BOTH yourselves a favor and before doing anything further - seek good counseling so that if this guy is a good one and not cheating on you - you don't end up losing him due to your own insecurities.

    Been there. Done that. Got the tee shirt.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 2:06 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • They call it "THE PAST", because that's where it belongs. Now you need to learn how to put it there & leave it there. Your insecurities & distrust towards men are your issue that you need to deal with. I have seen SO many relationships ruined, due to one partners insecurities, distrust, & jealousy. If you dont get counseling to resolve this personal issue, you'll be bringing it into your new relationship with a good guy who does not derserve your mistrust.

    TELL your current BF how you're feeling & why. Tell him you donot want to bring this into your relationship with him, & plan to speak to a professional to learn exactly how to do this. Dont expect your BF to change himself for what he "didnt break". This is your personal problem, not his. Your relationship will be much stronger if you do what many of us on here have advised; get counseling.

    Answer by RubyinPA at 8:35 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

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