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4 Bumps

Bisexual and married... adult content

...so I have reconciled with the notion that I can be considered "bisexual". However, I am married to a man. I know several people who are also married to men but who have an "open" clause in their relationship so they could be with women if they wanted to. I do not have this.
Do you think that is right, or fair?
In marrying a man, I am basically denying an inherent part of myself...and I don't know if I will be totally happy...ever...in this regard.
What do you think? Would you be able to be happy if your spouse told you that you could not have something that he also could NOT give you?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Nov. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I'm actually in the same situation. I'm bisexual and I married a man. It wasn't that I chose to marry a MAN, per se, I just those this person to spend the rest of my life with. I always knew I'd be monogamous in marriage (really, in any relationship I've always been monogamous), but I do miss being with women. I have no desire to have someone on the side or have threesomes or anything like that, because I feel that those always spell disaster.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 11:45 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • Also, I think the fact that I made the decision for myself (as opposed to DH telling me) to be monogamous helps.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 11:46 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • I think I'm in the same boat as you. I never got to fully explore this side and now Im married. Will we ever be fully happy? I dont know prob depends on the individual. I think if you meet a woman that you absolutly have to be with and she consumes your mind then maybe you shouldnt be married.
    JunebugsMomma8

    Answer by JunebugsMomma8 at 11:53 PM on Nov. 7, 2010

  • If you're in a monogamous relationship, you've agreed to limit yourself to one person, it doesn't matter if your straight, gay bisexual. You're willing to give up any other people. Some people who are straight need more than one person, some who are gay, some who are bisexual. That's obviously something that everyone needs to decide before marriage....no matter what their orientation.

    If you haven't found the ONE person that you are willing to be faithful to, and they aren't willing to share, then don't get married.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:14 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • My hubby is the same way~ well if I do find a female and he's not included then he considers it cheating so I'm in a no win situation =/
    sparkle0940

    Answer by sparkle0940 at 6:49 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Why would you marry, if you even suspected or knew for sure, that being bi-sexual was an inherent part of yourself? That is not fair to yourself or to your husband. You say you will never be totally happy being denied the pleasure you find from being with a woman, so why put yourself into that emotional prison? Then there's your husband; do you think it's fair to him that you will never be totally happy or satisfied with him? Of course your husband is going to tell you that you cant be with women while married to him. what did you expect him to say? to him that's a threat the same as if you wanted to be with another man. so--you have 2 choices; stay with him & deny yourself what makes you happy, or be totally honest with your husband about how you feel you need to be with a woman, & see where it goes from there. I dont think it's fair to either one of you, to live a life that isnt wholly satisfying together.
    RubyinPA

    Answer by RubyinPA at 8:59 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • My Husband is bisexual, But so am I. We having an odd understanding about it. We talking about it in bedroom play and that if i like the guy he can date him , males only tho. same for me but only women.
    Goodniteandgo

    Answer by Goodniteandgo at 11:42 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I've felt the same way from time to time. My drive for women isn't as strong as it is for men, so for the most part everything is good, but I am dealing with feeling as though something is missing.
    so if you get a good answer to all this, someone please let me know................
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:46 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I think that we all give something up when we decide to be in a long-term, mongamous relationship. The question is can you be happy with what you have to give up? Some of us can, others can't. Life is too short to be forever unhappy and unfulfilled. Like Ruby said, it's unfair to both of you. Something is going to give here. You will swear off women and be okay with it, your husband will open up to the idea of you having female lovers, you will swear off women and be completely unhappy with your marriage, or your marriage will end and you will find something that fulfills you. You and your husband need to decide what it is that's going to give before hearts get broken.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:21 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Bi or not, can you commit to monogamy or not? Being bisexual does not mean you can not make such a commitment. What kind of bi are you? Just like having sex, falling in love, just want the experience?

    No, marring a man does not mean you are denying a part of yourself. If you chose to make that commitment, you agreed to take the relationship to another level. If you find you can not do so, then there is a lot to talk about.

    As to being told you could not have something.....you are telling him the same thing. He can not have a monogamous relationship with you if your wanting an open relationship. He will lose that, while you gain which is a recipe for resentment which kills relationships.

    To me, it still sounds like you got a lot of thinking to do. You don't have to experience everything life has to offer. I for one could do without experience of unpleasant tastes. You can live without being with a woman. Do you want to?
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 2:23 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

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