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2 Bumps

Do you think this is true?

That once you have kids and a family you will never have your self back you will never be the same as you once were before you had kids? My daddy told me that yesterday because I was talking about I don't have myself anymore I am a mother and a fiance which I love being a mother not so much the fiance but I told him I wanted to find me again and do things for myself because I never ever get to and he told me I never will be able to have myself back to do those things I use to ever again do you believe that statement? I don't. I think I can find myself. I didn't know what to put this under so I put if under beliefS

Answer Question
 
jessesmama22

Asked by jessesmama22 at 10:26 AM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 18 (5,311 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • You're never the same, but there is no reason why you can't do what you love again.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 10:27 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • You will always be a mother first but you can still do things for yourself too.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 10:29 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • You can have yourself, but it will never be the self you had before you had children. I think that's what your dad was trying to tell you. Once you become a mom, you are a mom forever, and you are not supposed to ever be the single, carefree woman that you were before. If that's the person you want to be, someone will suffer and it will most likely be your children. My children are all grown now, and I have a wonderful life. I can pretty much do anything I choose to do, but the strange thing is that if one of my children or grandchildren needs me, then that turns out to be the very thing that I want to do more than anything else. I think that's where your dad is coming from. He has lived long enough to know that once you become a parent, your real self will be mostly found in loving and caring for your family.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:31 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I do, in a sense. Becoming a mother has changed me in ways that I could never change back. It's not that you can't have yourself back, but in my case, my son will ALWAYS come first. I could never be as selfish now as I was before I had my son.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:38 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I'm not sure what your situation is, or what "things" you're talking about, but in part, I do agree with your dad. You will never be the same in the sense that your number one responsibility in life is now to nurture and protect your child. Everything in your world will change, and should.
    But with that said, I also think it is imperative that you take care of yourself (physically, mentally, emotionally). You cannot give away what you do not have- and if you find yourself completed "depleted", you will not be the best mother you can be. I always make it a point to give myself "me time". Whether that's a couple hours to go shopping (without kids!) or to take a relaxing bath, or just 15min to read or do yoga, having that quiet time replenishes me mentally and emotionally- making me more patient and attentive to my babies (a two year old and 7 month old).
    Take care of your child's mom, he/she will appreciate it down the road!
    AutumnJade412

    Answer by AutumnJade412 at 10:43 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Your not the same once you become a mother but doesn't mean you have to lose yourself,  and if you do,  it doesn't have to be forever.   Having children doesn't change the fact that we all should evaluate our lives sometimes and think about what we are missing, what new directions we should be going in. This is about self reflection and if you are feeling lost it's time to start doing some inner soul searching.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:51 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • i am a big believer that keeping yourself (as well as your relationship with your SO) healthy and happy is key to the kids being healthy and happy. many people may disagree (including my own parents), but sending your kids to spend the night with a friend or a relative so you can have some time to do things that make YOU happy...or sending your kids to daycare so you can pursue a career you love even when you dont NEED the money...or going on a grown ups only vacation to a place you've always wanted to visit...all those are great things that can make you whole and make you a better mother in the end. sure, some women get so caught up in their wants that they hurt their family, but there is nothing wrong with tending to yourself as long as you're reasonable about it.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 11:04 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • You're the same. Your situation has changes because now you have people who really love who you are that they want to be around you (fiance and baby). As for doing what you want, like things you used to do, go for it. Your time is split but thats just what being an adult it. It will be like that forever. Make time for yourself and never feel guilty. If you're taking care of all your responsabilities and making time for your family go and make time for yourself. That way you wont feel lost and unlike yourself.
    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 11:09 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I'm not the same person I was before I had a husband and my children. We adapt, change and grow as we age, it's part of life. You can still do things you enjoy, but I think it's selfish to put yourself first. I put my hubby and my kids before myself because they are the most important people in my life.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:12 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • You won't be the same person ... the person you were prior to becoming a mom was childless and single. People who are childless and single lead VERY different lives from those who are married and have children. Your priorities change; your goals change; you have to factor in the other lives your decisions will effect. I am absolutely NOT the same person I was when I didn't have children.
    Gal51

    Answer by Gal51 at 11:32 AM on Nov. 8, 2010

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