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3 Bumps

Daughter ignored my birthday, do I ignore hers?

My 14 yr old daughter completely ignored my birthday this year. I reminder her several times that it was coming up. My birthday comes and nothing. Not even "happy birthday mom". She did post a really lame "happy birfday.... um yea" on facebook. No card, no gift, not even a verbal anything. I was devastated.

I thought we had a really good relationship, we enjoy spending time together and talk about most things.

Now I'm questioning whether I should bother to acknowledge her birthday next year (she'll be 15). I've always gone out of my way to make her feel special on her birthday, now I just don't "feel it".

I've approached her about how I feel and she really didn't have much to say about it. A half-hearted "sorry" was all I got.

I'm still so hurt - I don't think I'll ever get over it. What should I do?

Thanks for listening :-)

Answer Question

Asked by Halo63 at 1:18 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (36)
  • No. 2 wrongs don't make a right,but I wouldn't make an effort like you have in the past

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:19 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • She's 14 and you're an adult, be the bigger person. If it bothers you that much tell her that she really hurt your feelings and move on. Don't ignore your daughters birthday.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • no, you shouldn't ignore her birthday! you are an adult, she is a immature teenage with things on her mind that don't involve other people. you shouldn't choose not to acknowledge your child's birthday just because she failed to make anything out of yours. that's a bit immature on your part, IMO.

    Answer by dullscissors at 1:21 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • No, she's your daughter! Your baby. I'm sure you're hurt but please don't ignore her b-day. Why don't you wait until you're less hurt and discuss the situation with her.

    Of course, if you're anything like my mom you'll remember this particular birthday her entire life and guilt her every year. My mother still reminds me of the Def Leppard concert I made her miss like 20 years ago....

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 1:21 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Thank you - I agree and will take your advice.

    Comment by Halo63 (original poster) at 1:21 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • OMG! She is a teen, of course she would ignore your birthday. Teens are totally self absorbed and if it doesn't affect her personally, then it doesn't matter.

    You are an adult and know better. Don't ignore her birthday, that can damage your relationship permanently. It will show her you don't care about her at all and that you are bitter and hold onto anger. It will only drive her away.

    (Note... Not all teens are that way, but a lot are.)

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:21 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I wouldn't ignore her's completely especially not out of revenge. Don't stoop to your teenagers level. Plus, she's still just a kid. I doubt she did it to hurt you. If anything, just don't make as big of a deal for her birthday. Don't throw a party, etc. Just tell her happy birthday and maybe a small gift. I wouldn't go all out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • teenagers are notoriously selfish! No, I wouldn't ignore her birthday. If it were me, I'd have not known what to say to my mom & then I'd have felt even worse if she made a big deal at my birthday.

    Answer by mrsfitz05 at 1:22 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Be the grown up, you are the mom right? I'd rather my kids do something special for their birthdays and me have nothing for mine, its not a big deal at all. It sounds like you really need to grow up and be mature.

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 1:22 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • No. It's the stage and the generation. People just say happy birthday on facebook now. It would hurt her more than it hurt you because it would be retaliation. If I remember the age right, I thought adults didn't want to do anything for their birthday because they were sad about being older but my birthday was still very important.

    Answer by at 1:22 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

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