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2 Bumps

Is it odd that I am like this?

Is there something wrong with me or is it just my personality? I cannot stand my DH being mad at me. I want to fix it quickly and move on with our merry day. He likes to mope about stuff. He HATES this about me. I am just extremely uncomfortable when he is mad. He says I am selfish and I only try to fix things for my benefit but I just feel upset inside when he is upset and I love him so much I hate to see him upset especially when its usually just a misunderstanding. Is he right that I am selfish? Anyone else like me?

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Asked by bjane01 at 2:28 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,452 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • i would say that's a man's characteristic. Usually men are the ones who want to just fix something and then go on their merry way. so it's odd seeing it come from a woman, that's all.


    Answer by keisha613 at 2:33 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • no I am not that way but I also do not mope around and think about what could have been...I think you are not selfish either your just a get it overwith and move on past it type of person which I admire sometimes in people! =)

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:34 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I'm right with you, actually. Having SO upset with me can ruin my day (or ME being upset with him, even). Just went through that yesterday (though he PREFERS to also just get through it and move on happily - he doesn't like to hang onto it). We just took a bit longer to work through it than usual. I don't think it's odd at all. I'll have to keep an eye on this post to determine if we're weird or not. LOL.

    Answer by BethLopez at 2:38 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • It's perfectly OK to be angry sometimes. Your expectation that he won't be upset with you, or upset about something general, from time to time, is completely unrealistic. Honestly, by asking him to "get over it" and by not validating his hurt/angry/upset feelings, you are just going to make him feel worse. And if you are making the argument or his feelings about you, then yes, it can come off as sounding selfish even if you don't mean it to.
    I would do this -- if he's mad about something, let him stew and give him his space. Sometimes, we all just have a bad day and need to blow off steam. Your husband is not responsible for how you feel -- YOU are. Let him work through his feelings and once he's ready to get over it, he will. Give him his time -- he will appreciate you for it.

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 2:44 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Kind of. Sometimes when we argue my husband thinks I'm more upset than I really am, and therefore becomes more upset himself. After a few minutes I'm usually fine and will act like I'm fine, but then I realize he's still not and when I try to tell him I'm really not that mad he tends to feel like I'm just trying to ignore whatever the issue was. But I think learning to deal with your SO being upset is a part of being in a relationship. Things aren't always going to be perfect and you need to work together to deal with each others feelings.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I'm not sure how that would be selfish when you are trying to make him feel better. I think it's normal.

    Answer by theutilitarian at 2:45 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I used to be, but I've realized that it's important to let him feel how he feels. I just go off and do something else and let him mope.

    trust me, nothing drives most people more mad then when they are upset and there's no one around they can mope to.
    I so off and work on a project, then when he calms down he comes to find me.

    it's all part of marriage. I think as long as you talk eventually, there's no need for the quick fix route.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:45 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I"m the same way you are...when dh and I have a problem I want it fixed immediately but he's the exact opposite. We NEVER go to bed angry so I know our issue will get resolved but I like the immediate fix, right then, right I"ve learned to allow him to be angry and to get over it because it will eventually be fine...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:04 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • i like to fix things too but that is in my nature...must be yours too. sometimes i walk away for 10 mins and let him deal then we make up and we are fine. GL

    Answer by stargazer74 at 3:25 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Me and my fiance are the same way. No your not selfish you just care about ya'll's relationship with eachother and I think that is a great thing. After fighting with my fiance for about a month over little things we finally sat down and worked things out and now we are happy. Try talking to him calmly and not showing that he is getting to you by what he is saying. It worked for me. I'm sorry that you have this problem. I know it sucks. Good luck and I hope things get better for you!

    Answer by Kate1220 at 10:11 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

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