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if you & your mil absolutely CANT STAND eachother... how does it affect your relationship with hubby?

okay, me and mil used to get along great back in the day. i've known hubby since we were 16 and i was always her "favorite". dont know exactly what changed, maybe it's my fault? when we had children, i expected her to want to be a part of their life. instead, she is constantly making excuses why she can't. and my hubby is always defending her!!! i realize it's his mom and he has a serious case of momma's boy syndrome. but DAMN shouldn't he want his mom to be a part of his kid's lives? they are his kids too, her grandkids too! yes, i know i am constantly on here bitching about my mil but i honestly don't know what to do. i'm always giving her 2nd chances and she always lets us down. she literally never wants to see our kids. and sometimes i find it very hard to hold my tongue to hubby.. like the other day when i said she has the mental capacity of a 2 year old. her absense toward the kids is putting a strain on my marriage.

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 5:14 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • We moved far away. Best thing we ever did.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 5:17 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Accept that she doesn't wanna be a part of their lives. It's all that you can do because you cannot force her to be there for them. And I did have a MIL like that and my ex husband was a mama's boy and I had to divorce THEM, yes, I divorced both of them.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 5:18 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • WOW, I'm so sorry! Im lucky my husband ALWAYS picks my side and sticks up for me. So for me there is no problem.
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 5:16 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • actually me and my SO have almost the same exact problem except i havent known his mom for long. we have only been together for 3 years. we never really got along. we dont always hate eachother but i never liked her mom because she smokes alot of pot, smoked with my SO, sold him pot, and just wast IMO a good mother. its only gotten worse now that my son was born because she pays never sees him or helps us out at all. she always says its because she works alot, but then we see her and shes getting off of work at 6 o'clock on a friday night. alls she does is manage a dress store at the mall. my mom works 2 jobs and still sees my son everyday so i just dont buy the excuses. i also cant control myself with what i say and it really bothers me that my SO sticks up for her all the time. i dont understand why he cant just admit it but i think he just doesnt want to bc it would hurt his feelings even more.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:20 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Why push a relationship she doesn't want. I would think NOT letting her see them for a good long while might be just as effective. Don't let some bitter woman come between you and your husband. Your kids don't need to feel the negative jibe from her. If you aren't close to your parents..there are lots of grandparents type people to make friends with. My sons had a 'surrogate' grandparent. We were far away from MIL and they didn't care anyway. We met this couple at the park...we began talking...and 25 years later they have always been more into my boys life than their fathers side of the family.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:20 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • and we do fight alot about it also.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:21 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • @purplbutterfly EXACTLY! my mom lives half an hour away and sees them every weekend whereas his mom literally lives 5 minutes away and never sees them. and my kids are so in love with their "nana" (my mom) but they aren't too crazy about buela (his mom) and my middle was actually scared of her for a while. she would literally cry everytime that woman was in her presence! and i think its because she had stranger anxiety and didn't know who the hell this lady was!
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 5:24 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • and @worriedmommy, if we were ever to get divorced i would be divorcing both of them too LOL i know exactly what you mean!
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 5:27 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • me and my mil never talk and she spends time with kids that are not her grandkids . but i feel its better that way
    tammy110907

    Answer by tammy110907 at 5:30 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • We went through this while I was pregnant. His mom thought it was stressing my Fiance out too much so she told him to leave me while I was 7 months pregnant. Fiance told me because we refuse to have any secrets that could hurt the other. I was very upset because up until then I thought she had loved me. I refused to speak or see her until I was 9 months pregnant. Fiance told her he had told me what she said and that I had been very upset about it. When I saw her right before our daughter was born she apologized and blah blah blah but then said she put her SON above everything else including his own child. Fiance was MAD so when I went into labor he didn't call her until after our daughter was born. Now we see her about 2 times a month and my daughter is just now starting to like her. Its hard and it took me a little while to get Fiance to see where I was coming from. You'll just need to put you foot down with both of them
    EndellionMomma

    Answer by EndellionMomma at 5:33 PM on Nov. 8, 2010