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2 Bumps

Acceptable outfits

My ex husband has our daughter sat. at 3 till they put her on the bus in the morning on mon. She gets off the bus at my house mon. after school. I get so irritated when I see her every mon. Not at her, but the way she is dressed. The "SM" sends her to school looking ridiculous. Outfits that don't match, leggings with short shirts. Just stupid looking getups. I've sent outfits out there, i've tried to talk to her about it. She says that's what my DD picked out.(she is 7) My dd said no she made me ware it. Even so whatever, she is 7 and if she comes down stairs in something I don't like, I send her back up with different ideas of what to pick out or do it myself. I think she does it on purpose. If she doesn't like me that's one thing, but to purposely send my dd to school looking stupid is wrong. My ex is already at work before dd gets up. "SM" also has stated that my dd looks just like me and she can't stand it. more in a sec..


Asked by Shines3 at 5:19 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 22 (13,093 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I would pick out clothes for monday morning and tell your daughter and your ex&the SM this is what she is to wear to school. If it was ME though I'd tell her since you dont know how to dress my daughter this is what I have picked out and when she gets off the bus monday afternoon this better be what she's wearing.. It would get on my nerves..

    Answer by KBM99 at 5:47 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Another reason to be eternally grateful for school iniforms. Pick school clothes with her for Monday before she goes over. Put them in a bag labeled Monday school clothes. Go over it with your daughter..see if it helps.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:31 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • It might be a hassle for both of you, but would you consider changing the visitation times, so she can come home Sunday night right before bedtime? Maybe he can pick  her up earlier on Saturday?  He's not seeing her on Monday mornings anyway.


    Answer by earlgrey at 5:59 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Wow, some people are ridiculous. How good of a working relationship do you have w/your ex? If it is good I would bring it up with him.

    And work w/your daughter about coordinating clothes, lol.

    Answer by cheekycherub at 5:23 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • In most states (including mine, Fl) if she is not with the parent she is having visitation with, she is supposed to come back to you unless you agree that she can stay w some one else. If this is the case in you state, tell your ex that is she doesn't start dressing your dd nicely ( and you may even offer to send over an oufit, this way there is no confustion) you will insist on picking her up or him having to drop her off when he goes to work. I had a problem with my ex's mom watching my dd cause I didn't like what her would feed her, so now, she doesn't watch her. And if he leaves her with his mother w/o my permission and I find out, I can go get her and if his mom doesn't give her back, it's kidnaping and she would be arrested. The best thing to do is show him what a hassel you could make it, he prob won't feel it's worth it. Also talk to him about the way the sm treats your dd. He can get in trouble in court 4 that.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 5:32 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I want to be clear about what I meant by he could get in trouble in court. Just what you said that she has said to your daughter could be enough for a judge to order that his wife not be allowed around her during his visits, meaning she would have to go somewhere else during his weekend with her. It depends on the judge and what state you are in, but they take that kind of stuff seriously (desparaging the other parent) especially since she is not one of the parents. I hope your laws are the same as the ones we have here, your dd shouldn't have to be treated that way.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 5:36 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • earlgrey makes a very good point, if there is so much problems why have her there if her dad isn't even the one getting her off to school. In my state weekend visits end at 6 pm on sunday. There is no need for the SM to do that when she obviously doesn't want to

    Answer by JLS2388 at 6:02 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • It sounds like maybe teh SM is taking out a dislike of you on your daughter which is completely unfair.
    I agree with seeing if you can arrange something so that she's home so you can control what she wears to school. Or just talk to your daughter about that she can stand up to SM about how she's going to look and what she wants to wear when she's wearing things that don't meet certian standards.
    However, I do know that different people have different taste in clothes. Ex. I think it's a cute look for Em to wear a long t-shirt with leggings or I don't really care for sweats on my kids. When Em was in Foster Care the FM would frequently dress her in sweats and it drove me nuts.

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 9:01 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • That is terrible. What if you sent her something that you approve of and tell her that if she comes homes home wearing it, she will get some kind of reward? This gives her an insentive to stand up to her SM. Also explain to her that you want her to wear a certain oufit and it doesn't matter what her sm says because you are her mother, not her and it is what you say that goes.Make sure the oufit that she wears is what she likes too, like I said, the best thing to do is give her a reason to stand up to her about the oufit. The best of course would be if she could come home sun night.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:15 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • salexander, I agree with the poster. As a mother I understand that she doesn't want her dd going to school dressed like a hobo. It's not right and IMO it boarders on neglect on her father's part that he doesn't pay attention to the fact that the SM sends her to school like that. If someone doesn't want to be a good, caring step mother then they shouldn't marry a man with a child.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:09 PM on Nov. 9, 2010