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I have a duaghter who is pregant and due in January- my son is 13 months old. My daughter's boyfriend had threatened my boyfriend and -so my boyfriend who owns the house we live in doesn't want my daughter to live with us after the baby is born. She will be 18 in January-I don't want to throw my daughter out -I definetly don't like the boyfriend either. How can I find a middle ground without compomising my relationships?

My daughter has been on a rollercoaster since I left her Dad 5 years ago. I met my current boyfriend shortly afterwards and as well my daughter became very difficult to manage and control on the homefront. she lied alot stole from me as well as stole or had someone steal his briefcase which had his passport , ss card and credit cards -it was and has been a terrible ordeal. My daughter has been arrested trying to cover up for her boyfriend who has a rap sheet. She has a nasty temper and really I have to walk on eggs when talking to her. I've tried counseling, I tried catholic School and at this point she may not even be able to graduate h.s. I've never missed an occosion and have always been available for her- even called out sick to spend time with her. I can see the writing on the wall and I'm fretting all the time. She has not been able to get work either.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Nov. 2, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (15)
  • First off take your boyfriend out of the equation because you never put a man before you child. Pretend he is not involved, and then think about how you would handle the situation. Now you make your decision about how best to handle your daughter.

    Then, you tell your boyfriend that you child comes first, and that this is what you have decided (whatever that decision is).
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 1:16 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • sounds like ur daughter needs a dose of reality, though u care for her deeply, and I agree with CarolynBarnett that she should come before ur boyfriend, let her try to make it without your financial support or your roof, and let her see if her boyfriend can step up and do his job, maybe then she would see how it is
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I strongly agree with the PP your boyfriend came AFTER your children and by choosing him over her you're only going to create a huge issue between your child and you. Can you live with yourself if your daughter walks away because you chose your boyfriend? If I understand your question right you say he's throwing her out because he has an issue with her boyfriend. He's ok with throwing her out so her and her INFANT are homeless? There are so many issues with it, decide what is best for you and what you can live with just fully think about the consequences of both decisioins.
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 1:23 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I AGREE WITH ALL THE LADIES BEFORE ME 100% THEY HIDE THE NAIL ON THE HEAD.
    NURSE_MOM_OF_2

    Answer by NURSE_MOM_OF_2 at 1:37 AM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • You said that it is HIS house you all are living in, if you are living there it is all of your home, and you are letting HIM decide that your daughter and grandchild are going to be homeless because it is HIS house. The description of your DD's actions are pretty normal for a child who does not like a parents new BF and if acting out- they do the worst things they can think of. It really sounds to me like you have been putting your BF before your DD!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • It's possible she'd love to have a home of her own. that way she can see how hard you worked to manage to provide her with a home all these years. She may appreciate you more as she experiences what you have had to go through for her. Sign her up for public housing. Even though she could be considered an emancipated minor now she'd have to get on a waiting list and would be an adult when an opening became available. Talk to bf and see what he thinks then present her with the idea. Make is a fun mother daughter thing where you can help her find things for her new home. It's a win win situation.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:22 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • I agree with Carolyn Barnett. Your boyfriend is making your decisions about your daughter for you. Secondly what do you think about what to do with your daughter. That is what you should do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • You will have to compromise one of the relationships. I assume your current bf is your son's father. If so, you belong with him and he is entitled to be threat free in his own home. Your daughter will be an adult and needs to live as one. Use the time now to prepare her for motherhood and adulthood. I would try to get the bf to stay away so you can negotiate a June timeframe, giving your daughter the support she needs to graduate. Other than that, it is time for you and your daughter to live your own lives.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 5:11 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • Although I never did anything quite so bad as stealing I did have a nasty temper and a very rebilious attitude with my mother I to ended up getting pregnant in high school and from first hand experience no matter how much I pushed my mom away I knew deep down I wanted her there and I needed her!! Don't let some boyfriend come between you and your daughter this is a time in her life that she needs you the most!! try and find a good church and just put it ijn gods hands he will take care of it!! dont give up on her yet also maybe try to find some support groups or consuling to go to with her or even all as a family!!!!
    proudmama9128

    Answer by proudmama9128 at 5:26 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

  • also I would not try and force her to not see her boyfriend with a temper and how you described her that will only push her more towards him invite him to church or the support groups if you decide to go maybe you can change his life to!! Feel free to contact me anytime if youeven need someone to talk to!! Your daughter to! God Bless you!!
    proudmama9128

    Answer by proudmama9128 at 5:27 PM on Nov. 2, 2008

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