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Do I have the right as a step mother to ask my stepdaughter to clean up her room and make up her bed she is 9 years old?

My husband and I just got married last year. He has a 9 year old that does not like me at all. I've done all I can to be nice to her,now its getting to the point to when I ask her to clean up her room,bathe,make up her bed etc she does'nt listen to me.She has her father wrapped around her finger she goes with him to work because she doesn't want to do what I tell her and he brings her because she doesnt want to stay with me. I'm only trying to teach her to be responsible,maintaun good hygiene,etc her father doesn't, he's 55 years old and he doesnt have a clue of how to take care of her should I consider him getting a babysitter HELP ME PLEASE I DONT WANT MY MARRIAGE TO FAIL BECAUSE OF A CHILD. WILL I BE WRONG IF I HAVE MY MINISTER COME TO MY HOME TO HELP US?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (30)
  • You need to discuss this with your hubby first.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 6:41 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • yes she lives in your home and should follow the rules as all children step or not! And you should have your minister come after you explain to your minister what is going on and where you need his help first!
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 6:41 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Sit down with your husband and tell him flat out what you said here. That his daughter needs structure and is at the age to be able to handle taking care of her room, bathing etc and needs to respect you and what you say. She should be at home after school and if that means with just you then that's what should happen. She shouldn't be pampered and have daddy show her that she doesn't need to respect or listen to you.....because when he allows her to conitnue like that he is pretty much telling her exactly that!
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 6:42 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • If she is living in your home, you have a right to tell her to maintain her room and you deserve respect. I think the problem is with your husband, in a way. It sounds to me like he is allowing her to behave this way. You need to explain to him how you deserve respect and that he needs to put his foot down. Best of luck, I'm sure this is a touchy situation.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 6:42 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • AS an adult in the house you have the right to ask her to do things and as an adult in the house she should be respecting you. At nine I would even tell her that. ____ I know you don't want to do this but I am one of te adults in this house and as such it is my job to make sure you are taken care of and that you learn how to be responsible. I ask that you please respect me as an adult and do it. I would have the same talk with her dad. Separately.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 6:42 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • If she lives in your home she should respect you enough to clean her room and bathe. Hubby needs to step up and talk with the girl. It does not matter if she is a step daughter or not, it all comes down to respect.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 6:43 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • first what is a minister going to do?? But you do have the right to tell her to clean up her room and make her bed. Talk to her father and tell him what needs to be done.
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 6:44 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I would let her room get absolutely filthy and let her live in it. But that is just me. If she doesn't want to clean up after herself then it's not your or her father's responsibility.
    lovingedward

    Answer by lovingedward at 6:46 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Thanks ladys for all you answers I really appreciate it love ya
    mocha554

    Answer by mocha554 at 6:52 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I agree that you and your husband need to work this out between you.hen tell his daughter that you are his wife and deserves respect and honor. If you think it would be hard to get your husband to understand the unrest in his home that he is allowing to continue, ask a minister or councilor to help or even someone he respects.
    chris219

    Answer by chris219 at 6:53 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

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