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MIL and Christmas gifts...

I'm not sure if she plans on getting our children gifts or not, but if she does, I don't want to except them. DH and I want nothing to do with her and we don't want our children to have anything to do with her either. I have a feeling she's going to get them something and then send FIL over to our house to drop them off (we haven't seen or spoken to her in a year)....problem is I don't want to hurt FIL's feelings by rejecting them (even though I know he had nothing to do with picking the gifts out)...should I just say "FIL, you know how we feel about MIL, so we really don't want to except anything from her. Please tell her to save her time and money, because she no longer needs to buy our children gifts for any occasion...However, if YOU feel like getting them something that YOU picked out, we'd be more than happy to have you give it to them....", (or something along those lines)? Do you think that's ok or too rude to FIL?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Nov. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I think any gift from either of them would be wrong. If she is CO, than no gifts should come from thiers checking account.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 7:53 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • If your FIL brings the gifts and he is the one giving them, that's all your kids need to know. I'm sure you have your reasons for not wanting your MIL around the kids, but it seems like you are okay with your FIL being there.

    Answer by scout_mom at 7:57 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Yes, he's the one bringing them, but only because she's making him...and I know that he's not the one picking the gifts out. And it's not about what the kids know or don't know, it's about what we know and what she knows...I don't want her to think she's doing anything for us, or doing us any favors, ya know? She does this with some of her other GK's that she rarely ever sees and it's like she does it because she feels obligated's a burden to her.

    IDK if FIL ever buys them anything....I just want him to spend time with the kids. He's a wonderful man.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:05 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • ***oops....supposed to be I don't care, not IDK

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:06 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Honestly my opinion is, if it's a matter of abuse then yes it's okay to not accept the gifts. Otherwise, if it's an adult problem of you not getting along and the kids not knowing anything about it then this is your children's grandmother and they should get the chance to know that even if they're not seeing her having the belief that she still cares enough about them to remember them at holidays and birthdays. Sure it may be a burden to her but if the kids don't know that it's probably better for them to think she does care about them.
    If you're really that concerned it's something she picked out let your children decide if it's something they like and then if they don't go return it for something they do want, but if they like it then let them keep the gift from grandmother and grandfather.


    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 8:30 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Let him give them to your children from HIM. Explain he is not allowed to talk about her to them so he can't cay they are from her

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:42 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • Depending on how old the kids are, I think you have to consider what they see and what message you are giving them. It sounds like your FIL is ok, so I'd say accept a gift "from him" (he's bringing it as far as the kids know) and be happy with them about that. Allow them to be kids and enjoy the gifts. Leave the MIL out of it. I don't care how evil she is to you, you don't need to burden your kids with that. Thats for the adults to work out. Two separate things, let the kids enjoy the presents, and you deal with the MIL however you think is right, but away from the kids knowing about it. I guess I'm thinking about what the kids see, I just don't want them to have to deal with adult stuff until they have to, let them be kids. But a wackadoo MIL sucks, so do whatever you have to do to protect the kids. Good luck to you!

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 11:00 PM on Nov. 8, 2010

  • I've been through this. PLEASE listen to me when I tell you... in the end, you will cause your children more hurt than you will your MIL. Be the better person here.

    Answer by Raging.Pink at 12:26 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • @ I don't think I will be hurting them. Actually, I think I'll be saving MIL has said VERY bad things about not only myself (which I could care less about), and my DH...her OWN son...but she has said mean/hurtful/negative things about my children (who are toddlers)...the thing is, she doesn't know that we know she has said these things. It disgusts me that she could have anything bad to say about any kids, especially her "own blood". If it were just me she didn't like....fine. I could care less. But I don't want my kids to open up their hearts and give their love to someone that obviously doesn't deserve it. I don't want her to buy them gifts, because she's pretending to care about them, when really it's just an obligation she feels she HAS to do.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:38 AM on Nov. 9, 2010

  • I have a similar situation with my MIL. Except she broke ties with us (no explaination). She sent my boys a birthday card each, with money. I let the boys keep it. When her bday rolled around the boys made her a nice card with pictures of themselves over the year she has been absent and nice drawings they did. (Well, sort of nice lol). Not one word, it didn't come back so I assume she got it. And I just don't know what to do, my 9 year old wants to see her and he doesn't understand! And my 3 year old doesn't know her! And as far as the children are concerned it's not fair that they don't know their grandmothers. But what can you do? I've extended the olive branch and she burned it! lol In your situation I would tell her you know what she's said. Give her a chance to apologize. If she does work with it. If she doesn't you've done all you can. GL

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:54 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

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